Nine Lives
by Ali44
Summary: it's the Burg wedding of the century
1. Default Chapter

Title: NINE LIVES

Email: ice79auyahoo

Disclaimer: They're not mine. I'm just playing.

Notes: Set post Hard Eight

I found the first few chapters hiding on my hard drive; I originally started writing this not long after Hard Eight was published. I abandoned it without posting…

I'll post what I have, I'm not sure if it deserves finishing. Let me know what you think

**PROLOGUE **

The sign outside the church proclaimed

Plum/Morelli Wedding here today

In big bold block letters for the world to see.

It was certainly an event, an event of massive proportions. To Trenton this was not only the biggest wedding of the year, it was _the_ event of the year, possibly the decade. Something people would be sure to tell their grandchildren about. In the burg this wedding was bigger than a 2 for 1 sale, bigger than an all you can eat buffet, bigger than when Babs married James Brolin. And that was saying something.

The who's who of the burg, the 'A' list gossips, the crème de la

crème of the grapevine crammed themselves into the pews of the church beside the curious onlookers eager for a good show; the pleased, but quietly cautious family members and the friends who still couldn't believe this was happening.

The church was full. Between the invited guests and the curious it seemed that everyone in the Burg had turned out to see my sister marry Joseph Morelli. Whether it was to witness the elusive and legendary bad boy bachelor tie the knot, or the beautiful bride, who no one expected to re-marry after the scandalous end of her first marriage, let alone marry a Morelli. Or maybe it was the inevitable entertainment value that any combined Plum/Morelli occasion was assured to provide.

Whatever the reason, this day was already destined for the pages of burg history - the day that Valerie Plum married Joe Morelli.

Okay, lets back this truck up and start at the beginning. The beginning is a very good place to start. When you read you begin with ABC, when you sing you start with dough ray me….Okay, sorry, procrastination is my middle name. Fine, it's Michelle but that's beside the point. The point is that all this started not long after the whole Abruzzi mess. Ranger had sent me packing back into Morelli's arms. Which had lasted all of two weeks when Joe and I had finally decided that our on again and off again relationship was most definitely off. This was also around the time that my mother decided that having two unmarried thirty something daughters was completely unacceptable. And that obviously, said daughters were incapable of finding their own dates and if anything was to be done about the situation, she was going to have to do it herself.

This was also the time that Ranger pulled a disappearing act. Nobody knew where he went. One day he was there intimidating baddies and making women swoon. The next he was the wind. Okay, that isn't exactly true. I knew where he was. Okay, that's not entirely true either, but he did tell me he was going out of town for a couple of weeks, that he wasn't sure when he would be back, but that he would call me to check up on me.

Okay, sorry, I was procrastinating again. Lets start this story shall we….


	2. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

The security keypad told me that I wasn't alone.

The tiny hairs prickling to attention on the back of my neck, and the low level electric thrill that hummed through my body told me the identity of my quest.

I left the lights off and made my way into my tiny kitchen and heaved my bundle onto the counter. I loved my mother, and I loved my mothers cooking. But half a leg of ham, a jar of pickles, a packet of fig newtons, the left over rolls from lunch, three oranges, a bag of carrots and half a pineapple upside down cake was heavy.

I suppose I should be thankful for the exercise.

'Need a hand with that Babe?'

'Thanks, but I think I've got it' I said quickly licking the icing that had accidentally gotten on to my finger as I was putting the cake into the fridge.

Honestly I have no idea how that happened.

'Okay' Ranger said flipping on a light in the lounge room.

I quickly licked clean the other fingers that the icing had some how managed to cover. Cover in a thick gooey sugary goodness.

Shaking my self out of a Homer Simpson like daydream I turned and strutted into the lounge room where another equally delicious and totally sinful treat waited. I had to shake myself out of another, yet totally different kind of daydream when I locked eyes on a very business like Ranger seated on my couch.

'Babe'

I took a heavy seat at the other end of the couch.

I could sense the lecture. A lecture that I had heard, memorised and had committed to heart.

'I need to be more aware of my surroundings. Yes I know, and I was I swear, I checked the keypad, I even had my gun. but I knew it was you' I rushed out in one breath hoping to stop the lecture before it begun. I also was hopping he hadn't checked my cookie jar.

'Babe, that's not what I was going to say'

It wasn't. huh.

'What were you going to say?

His eyes did that thing they sometimes do. Turning into big drowning pools of melting chocolate that pull you in and trap you there while he probes your soul

I sensed the mood had changed somewhere back there. The atmosphere hang heavy around us as Ranger kept my eyes locked with his.

'what I came to tell you was goodbye.'

It felt like I had just been kicked in the guts. The wind knocked out of me, my chest thorn open, my heart pulled out then stomped on.

Not ten seconds ago we were sitting here, both… I didn't know what was happening, but I did know something was happening. Damn it .

'What?' I bit out so hard the word must have had teeth marks.

'Babe, I have to go out of town for a while' Ranger said calmly

I'm glad he was calm because I sure as hell wasn't.

I was up off the couch and pacing. Working myself up into a Rhino mode the Lula would be proud of.

'What do you mean you have to go away? Are you coming back? How long will you be gone? Or is this it, the big kiss off? Huh that's it isn't it you're….'

Ranger had gotten up off the couch to stand in front of me.

Right now that was the equivalent of standing in front of a runaway train.

Taking me gently, yet forcefully by the shoulders Ranger stopped my pacing, and calmly, always calm, answered all the hysterical questions I had flung at him. Not that he had to. It's not like he owed it to me. He made that clear, that we don't owe each other anything.

Yeah sure point out that I'm still bitter about that. Like you wouldn't be.

'I have to go away on a job. I don't know how long it will take, no more than a couple of weeks. Yes I'm coming back. And there is no way that I could ever brush you off Stephanie Plum.'

'Oh' All of a sudden I was feeling sorry for being erratic and bitchy

'Now, Shut up and kiss me goodbye'


	3. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

It was the third night that week that I had had dinner at my parents.

My mother, in a fit of desperation had declared at dinner the Sunday before that if Valerie and I couldn't find ourselves some nice men to marry us then she would find them herself.

And with that it had started.

Monday; meatloaf green beans and sponge cake, Mike Metzger 39 year old used car salesman who drove a Lincoln, had an oily comb over and mismatched socks. He discreetly snuck out the back door when my mother went to get the fire extinguisher when Mary Alice accidentally knocked over the candles and set the tablecloth alight. Neither Valerie nor I were sad to see him go.

Wednesday; Pot roast and coffee cake; Norman Franklin who my mother had meet at the butcher, and "anyone who bought prime cuts of meat couldn't be that bad" to quote my mother. And in her infinite wisdom had invited him home for dinner.

Turns out, that quality meat wasn't the only thing that Norman was fanatic about. He was also an avid stamp collector. He even managed to put my mother to sleep with tales of his adventures at the stamp collectors convention.

Friday; Roast Chicken mashed potatoes and chocolate cake, Henry Finker who had gone to kindergarten with Valerie, and hadn't matured much since then. He spent most of dinner discussing the latest Harry Potter with Angie and had my sister cut his chicken for him.

The only good thing to come out of it was that I had a fridge full of leftovers and Valerie had found herself a babysitter.

Ranger had called. Twice actually. I think it was just to hear about the dinners at my parents house. I don't know why, but he seemed to find the stories amusing.

I t's weird what some people find humour in.

After talking to Ranger I headed to bed, all that food makes a girl sleepy. And I needed my rest if I was going to track down the list of skips I had tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

Rising with the sun isn't my favourite thing to do, but was necessary today as I had a long list of skips to track down and haul back into the legal system.

A nice, long hot shower, dressing quickly in my favourite jeans, and a white t shirt. A jumbo mug of coffee, one pop tart and a slice of chocolate cake and I was good to go.

Nothing starts the engine better than caffeine and sugar.

I dropped a chunk of cake in Rex's cage because he looked like he needed some chocolate to help him start his day too. Waved goodbye and was out the door by 9 am

A new Saturday morning record for me

Watch out world Stephanie Plum was on a mission.

First on the list was Bobby Fenwick, minor misdemeanour, said he slept through his alarm and missed his court date.

9 :15 on a Saturday where was he going to be? Um, Let me see, Bed of course.

I knocked on his front door loudly, his roommate didn't seem to appreciate it, but let me in just the same before shuffling back to his room slamming the door behind him. I switching the coffee machine on and waited. Once the coffee had brewed I poured some into a mug and headed to the bedroom that the roommate hadn't gone into. Waving the pungent coffee under sleeping beauty's nose and turning on the light worked a treat and by 9:30 am I had made my first apprehension.

The second and third apprehension went just as smoothly, and it had turned into a beautiful day, the smog had cleared and the jersey sun was beating down. I decided to reward myself with an ice-cream.

I was near the park, and I knew I could find one of those little carts that sold ice-cream cones. I found a car spot and got out of my jeep. It took a little finding but it was a nice day and I really didn't mind the short stroll in the park - as long as there would be ice-cream afterward of course.

The park was buzzing with activity, kids flying kites, people roller bladeing a couple having a picnic, In the centre of the park there looked like there was something happening, a large group of people where all standing around watching something. I made a mental note to check it out before I left. But first, ice-cream.

The gods must have been really smiling on me today, because low and behold not only had I found the ice-cream cart but skip number 4 as well.

Damian Wheeler aka Skip 4 was dressed in a red and white uniform, complete with little paper hat scooping ice-cream.

Hallelujah! They hadn't run out of mint choc chip.

I got in line behind a group of kids and waited. It looked like I was going to make my fourth easy apprehension that day. When I made it to the front of the line I ordered my ice-cream cone, a double. Once I had my change and had taken a quick bite Damian looked up at me for the first time. He looked harassed, as I imagine he had been serving ice-cream in a park to hundreds of screaming kids. I almost felt sorry for him. That is until he got a good look at me standing there in my jeans and white t'shirt, nothing special, my hair was even behaving itself today. But something must have pinged on his radar, maybe it was the handcuffs hanging from my belt? But the little turd took off.

Not running. No that would have been too easy. No the evil genius jumped on to the bicycle that the ice-cream cart was attached too and started peddling. I was left with no choice but to run after him.

We must have been a real site, because everyone in the park turned to watch. I was too busy chasing after an ice-cream cart like a crazy woman to be concerned.

Hair flying as I pumped my arms and legs as fast as I could without dropping my ice-cream cone chasing after the cart.

I must have looked like a _very_ dissatisfied customer

My skip was trying to navigate around the group of people and look behind him at the same time, Big mistake, The cart was picking up momentum as it barrelled down hill across the grass I was keeping up much to my own amazement (those hours on the treadmill where actually paying off - dammit)

The tyre must have hit a rock or something, because the next thing I knew the cart, along with Damian was hurtling through the air towards...

What ever had caused the cart to get airborne got me too.

I had always wanted to fly. Not necessarily like this though. I had had visions of a cape, or maybe an invisible plane like wonderwoman.

My short adventure in aviation came to an abrupt end in a splash down.

So that's what everyone had been looking at; the new fountain.

I found myself sitting in two foot deep water. Splashing around I found my cuffs, there was no way I was letting this little shit get away from me after this. Spitting water and a few choice swear words I found him struggling to disentangle himself from the cart. No way was he getting away! I struggled to my feet, and slogged across the pond. He saw me coming and struggled harder, he got to his feet, and some how I think my fist connected with his jaw, I couldn't swear to it, but it was a possibility. Damian hit the water with a splash, and I cuffed him to the handlebars before he could try moving again.

That was when I looked up.

Looks like the group of people I had noticed before were there for the dedication for the new fountain. The Mayor was there, a couple of politicians, curious on lookers, Jersey socialites, members of friends of the park. Not to mention the press.

And they were all looking at me.

I don't know if it was because they had never seen a flying ice cream cart, the fact that we had inadvertently crashed their party or the fact that I now looked like a cross between a drowned rat and a wet tshirt contestant?

I sat down heavily, with a splash noticing that I still had a soggy ice cream cone in my hand, and thought why me? as the photographers flashes popped.

My mother was going to hear about this one for sure.


	5. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

Yeah, she heard about it.

Turns out that I made the evening news. In all the commotion I had failed to notice the TV cameras. Three different networks picked it up. All of New Jersey, possibly all of America had now seen my spectacular mid air tackle and subsequent bellyflop into the new Trenton Park fountain. At least I got my man.

Yeah, that's it focus on the positives.

Because, on the flip side all of Jersey had seen my boobs too!

In my infinite wisdom that morning I had put on the new bra I got the week before. The sheer new bra that I had brought with far more interesting things in mind than tackling skips. And the white cotton t-shirt was a genius idea too. Ideal for swimming – not!

I had felt sexy, and in control when I walked out the front door earlier that morning. Sitting in the fountain with the world watching I felt a little – you could say …exposed.

I had dragged my self home, showered and gone to bed. Ignoring my answering machine as it collected messages from various friends and family members.

So much for my good day.

Early Sunday morning, very early Sunday morning, so early I think it still constituted Saturday night my phone rang.

And rang and rang. Evidently my answering machine's tape was full and was no longer taking messages.

Stupid machine.

I found my phone in my left sneaker, how had it gotten there, time to clean my room.

It was Ranger.

'Babe'

"Hi'

'Had a busy day?'

'Huh?' I am always eloquent

'Seen today's paper?'

'No' did I sound panicked? nuh not me

'It's a good shot of you'

'What is?' my brain woke up with a jolt 'oh no not the paper to?'

'Fraid so'

'Argh crap'

'Publicity's good for business'

'I don't see how'

'What red blooded bail jumping bad guy wouldn't want to be brought in by the bombshell bounty hunter?'

I think he was laughing with me, not at me, Ranger never laughed directly at me. Occasionally in my general vicinity but never at me.

'how's the mysterious job?'

'not so mysterious, and ahead of schedule'

'well that's… good, right?'

'yeah.'

'does that mean that you will be home soon?'

'Yeah' Mr one word answers strikes again

'How soon?' That didn't sound desperate did it? Curious but not desperate

'Soon'

Something else he had said occurred to me " Does that mean that you are still in New Jersey if you saw the paper?'

'didn't say that'

'later Babe' and he hung up.

I sat staring at my phone for a few minutes hoping that it would give me the secrets of the universe, or at least some clue to

what that had all meant.

A few hours later, I woke at a reasonable time, snuck out my front door and borrowed the paper from the apartment across the hall.

One less person to see my boobs the better.

Besides they probably saw on the news last night anyway. sigh

I had made the front page of the Sunday Trenton Times.

That hadn't happened since the incident with the exploding funeral home.


	6. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

Sunday I had hibernated, and watched the Indian Jones Movies, ate most of the left overs in the fridge then climbed onto my newly purchased treadmill that I had set up in my dinning room, out of the way, but where I could still watch the TV.

And generally ignored my answering machine.

I had already caved in and promised my mother that I would be there for dinner.

God only knew who my mother had invited for lamb chops and the choice of her daughters.

It was worse than even I had imagined.

When I waltzed in at 2 minutes to 6 the Snyder twins were sitting in the lounge room discussing politics with Angie, while my father tried to watch the football. They all but salivated when Valerie swanned down the stairs wearing her Meg Ryan best, which was good for me as I snuck passed and into the kitchen without anyone noticing.

The Snyder twins had been at school at the same time as both Valerie and I. They were in the year between us, they were the kids in school that even the av geek was embarrassed to be seen talking to. If you looked up nerd in the dictionary there 'd be a picture of these two. Which is a mean, but fair description.

The general Plum family dinner table discussion was put on hold tonight in honor of our distinguished guests in favour of more intellectual debate: my job and my breasts. Mainly why did I have to do the things that I did, and especially why did I have to do them in front of all those photographers. As you could imagine my mother was chief orator.

Grandma especially liked the one photo of me slugging Damian. I still maintain that it was a trick of the light and that it just looked like I punched him. She also wants me to give her lessons. My nieces wanted to know how I managed to fly through the air land in the fountain and still have hold of my ice cream cone.

I felt one of my headaches coming on and excused myself early, leaving even before desert.

The Snyder twins didn't seem to mind.


	7. chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

Monday morning and I was determined to put recent events behind me. Well, that was after I had retold the story blow by blow to Connie and Lulah over a box of krispy kremes.

Luckily Vinnie was down at the courthouse signing papers so he wasn't there to lecture me about giving his business a bad name. Connie said there had been an abnormal amount of arrests last night and that Vinnie was as happy as a pig in shit.

I took a stack of files and left the girls to their manicures and Vinnie to his farm animals.

The files I had picked up kept me busy for most of the day, a couple of my regulars and a first time offender who smelt a lot like my good friend Mooner, so I offered him a trip to McDonalds and he came quietly.

Even with my numerous trips to the station I still had not seen Morelli since "the big break up." Which I thought was strange, but I was pretty sure he was avoiding me. I think he was worried I would run him over with big blue again.

He should be so lucky.

The big break up, and I call it that because this time I had a feeling that it was going to last, happened almost a month ago now. It was after the whole Abruzzi …mess. There were a lot of reasons, my job, his job, my family, my job some more, placement of cookie jars, my job again, hockey versus football, Ranger, more specifically his suspicions about my relationship with Ranger, and my job.

But funnily enough what it came down to in the end was that we were too alike.

We had the same childhoods, same ambitions, same taste in pizza, same lifestyles, same stubborn streak, same independence.

We were the same side of the coin.

It works for some couples, but most definitely was not going to work for Joe and me. We would have either ended up killing each other or turning in to one of those couples who dress alike - his and her matching outfits. Yuck, no thank you.

We have similar tastes, opinions and attitudes on some things, but on others we are the exact polar opposite. And I don't think even if we lived to be 1000 would we ever find a happy balance between the two.

All sounds like a friendly and amicable split right?

We it actually was, all things considered.

And by that I mean the guy had no idea it was coming, Not a single clue, an inkling, nothing.

Calmly and concisely, keeping my temper the whole time I told him exactly how I was feeling and he just sat there with a beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other, mouth hanging open.

I think that was what got him the hardest.

I handled it well though, no screaming or anything. Which is why I think that Joe is still being wary. He's waiting for the big explosion. But I don't think its coming.

I'm waiting to find out how I will take seeing him now.

But today wasn't the day. It was Eddie who came to the dock, when I buzzed for assistance.

Oh joy let the games begin.

There was no way in the world that Eddie was going to let Saturday's fiasco go by with out a whole lot of teasing at my expense.

"Hey, Big Dog The Bombshell Bounty Hunter 's here" I heard him yell back into the squad room before he came out to help my with my skip who had fallen asleep in the backseat of my jeep.

**CHAPTER 6**

Monday morning and I was determined to put recent events behind me. Well, that was after I had retold the story blow by blow to Connie and Lulah over a box of krispy kremes.

Luckily Vinnie was down at the courthouse signing papers so he wasn't there to lecture me about giving his business a bad name. Connie said there had been an abnormal amount of arrests last night and that Vinnie was as happy as a pig in shit.

I took a stack of files and left the girls to their manicures and Vinnie to his farm animals.

The files I had picked up kept me busy for most of the day, a couple of my regulars and a first time offender who smelt a lot like my good friend Mooner, so I offered him a trip to McDonalds and he came quietly.

Even with my numerous trips to the station I still had not seen Morelli since "the big break up." Which I thought was strange, but I was pretty sure he was avoiding me. I think he was worried I would run him over with big blue again.

He should be so lucky.

The big break up, and I call it that because this time I had a feeling that it was going to last, happened almost a month ago now. It was after the whole Abruzzi …mess. There were a lot of reasons, my job, his job, my family, my job some more, placement of cookie jars, my job again, hockey versus football, Ranger, more specifically his suspicions about my relationship with Ranger, and my job.

But funnily enough what it came down to in the end was that we were too alike.

We had the same childhoods, same ambitions, same taste in pizza, same lifestyles, same stubborn streak, same independence.

We were the same side of the coin.

It works for some couples, but most definitely was not going to work for Joe and me. We would have either ended up killing each other or turning in to one of those couples who dress alike - his and her matching outfits. Yuck, no thank you.

We have similar tastes, opinions and attitudes on some things, but on others we are the exact polar opposite. And I don't think even if we lived to be 1000 would we ever find a happy balance between the two.

All sounds like a friendly and amicable split right?

We it actually was, all things considered.

And by that I mean the guy had no idea it was coming, Not a single clue, an inkling, nothing.

Calmly and concisely, keeping my temper the whole time I told him exactly how I was feeling and he just sat there with a beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other, mouth hanging open.

I think that was what got him the hardest.

I handled it well though, no screaming or anything. Which is why I think that Joe is still being wary. He's waiting for the big explosion. But I don't think its coming.

I'm waiting to find out how I will take seeing him now.

But today wasn't the day. It was Eddie who came to the dock, when I buzzed for assistance.

Oh joy let the games begin.

There was no way in the world that Eddie was going to let Saturday's fiasco go by with out a whole lot of teasing at my expense.

"Hey, Big Dog The Bombshell Bounty Hunter 's here" I heard him yell back into the squad room before he came out to help my with my skip who had fallen asleep in the backseat of my jeep.


	8. chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

My relationship, not that you can call it that, with Ranger has me in a bit of a spin.

And the constant phone calls are just confusing me more. We haven't spoken this much in the entire time that I have known him as we have in the time he's been away.

Wherever the hell that is.

'Ranger, can you tell me where you are or is it one of those if I tell you I have to kill you situations?' I was only half joking when I asked

His soft chuckle did dangerous things to my hormones, joking or not.

'I'm helping an old friend set up an urban assault training facility'

'Urban assault?'

'Warfare tactics in an urban environment'

'Like in houses and apartments and stuff?

'Nail on the head Babe'

'But why? I mean why war tactics in homes?'

'It's a growth market'

And I guess is was. The number of times that cops had to go into homes to break up violent situations; SWAT, drug squad, homicide, ATF and all the other initial groups that I couldn't remember what the letters stood for, they all had to deal with bad situations every day.

'And your friend asked you to help'

'Said I had the perfect background for the job'

"What, all your army stuff? I actually knew that Ranger's "army stuff" was some serious hardcore paramilitary training, black ops and other scary things that would make Rambo look like a wuss. He wasn't called Ranger for nothing.

'Nah, Living in Jersey.'

Ranger filled me in on all the details about what his mysterious, or not so mysterious job.

'And here I was thinking you were in some far off exotic country as a mercenary for hire.'

I think I had just killed the mood, he was silent for a few moments as I cursed my self for being an idiot and ruining the semi teasing thing we had had going. Hell he was even opening up. Good work Plum

'Is that what you really thought?' Serious now

'That, or you were in Gotham City taking out the joker.'

'Sorry to disappoint Babe'

'Ranger, wait! I'll be serious. No I didn't really think that. I know you are a good man…' he didn't give me time to finish

'How?'

'How what?'

'How do you know that I am such a good man?

I took a few moments to really think it over. Because it was not something that I had ever consciously thought about. It had always been something that I had just known.

'Just a feeling I guess'

'like the feeling you got in your apartment the other day?'

Where was he going with this? 'When?'

'When I came to say goodbye, you said that you knew it was me in your apartment .'

'I remember' yeah I remember that. But I mostly remembered the kiss he laid on me before he left

'You said, when you came in that you knew it was me. How did you know?'

'I must have seen your car'

'I parked a block away'

'um, maybe, oh, um I don't know?' I tried.

'yes you do'

Damn, why didn't I want to tell him this. Tell him that I could sense him, feel it in my bones every time we're in the same room, hell, within 100 yards.

'Maybe I'm just getting use to you breaking in' I tried again

'No that's not it'

Damn him

'Maybe it was a feeling'

'a feeling?

'yeah, a feeling'

'what kind of feeling'

'like the hairs on the back of my neck stand up'

'and'

Honestly, I don't know what was happening, I opened my mouth and all these things came flying out. Things that I had thought were locked deep inside.

'It feels like being excited and nervous all at the same time. Like I can't breath, but can more easily and …'

'and your heart beats a little faster' Ranger added

'yeah' I agreed

'yeah' Ranger repeated

' And there's this pull, like something inside you just knows'

'yeah'

'yeah' Ranger repeated.

After we said our goodbyes. And no, the fact that he actually said goodbye was not lost on me.

I lay in my preferred thinking position, and gave this whole Ranger thing a good going over.

We had slept together once, well more like… That one _occasion_. Yeah that's a better way to put it.

We had slept together that one, mind blowing world tilting _occasion_ (that was an even better way to put it) After that he had told me to work things out with Morelli. Which I thought sucked, but took it for the good advice that it was. But Ranger had also said that he was an opportunist and if Morelli and I took too long to sort it out he would be back in my bed. We all know how well the Morelli thing had worked out.

Well, Joe and I had been history for a while before he left town.

What the hell was he waiting for? One lousy (fantastic) goodbye kiss in all that time!

Come on Mr Opportunity, here's your perfect chance!

But then my brain betrayed me and started down the "what if he's had you now and doesn't want you again" path.

But rationality finally caught up with my runaway brain and pointed out that he certainly wasn't acting like a man who wasn't interested.

He was acting like a man who was very much interested in fact.

But, what about the " I don't do relationships" bullshit

But then he was the one who brought up the whole "feelings" thing.

It was on the third go round of answerless questions that I think my brain melted and I fell asleep.

When I finally made it into the office, it was to find Connie and Lula already hunched over a box from Tasty pastry.

"Vinnie in?' I asked out of curiosity rather than any real desire to see my cousin.

'Down the courthouse again' Connie managed between mouthfuls of jelly filled

'Haven't seen him this happy since Joyce bought the dog collar' Lula added, and I shuddered

'Business is good. Haven't had this many needing bonding out in a long time' Connie said wiping powered sugar from her chin.

Well in that case we should celebrate. I pulled up a chair and helped myself to a Boston Creme


	9. Chapter 8

NINE LIVES

CHAPTER 8

_NB: Sorry this one is so short, the next chapter will be longer, promise. Also thanks to everyone who has left feedback. It makes me giddy (and a little nauseous) at the thought that people are actually reading this thing._

The crime wave that was evidently sweeping Trenton had made Vinnie a very happy man (Connie claims to have seen him actually smile) and upped the Trenton PD's arrest rates.

Things were good in the Burg.

Well except the for the amount of crime, of course.

Oh, and the fact that Helen Plum's two grown daughters were unmarried and the wrong side of thirty.

I really wasn't up to another dinner at my parents. I had had a really long day chasing elusive skips, and after my late night phone call with Ranger I had gotten next to no sleep.

The prospect of dinner with yet another prospective husband was not something I was looking forward too.

Ernie "the wink' Winski was ringing my mother's doorbell as I pulled up. I'll admit I seriously considered driving off, but Grandma spotted me before I had the chance.

And besides Mum had made a pineapple upside down cake for dessert.

Ernie was a kid from the neighbourhood when we were growing up. He had gone away for college but had recently moved back. He was some kind of computer guy now. There wasn't anything particularly wrong with Ernie. Except the way he said me name; Stef-annie

It bugged me in grade school, and it bugs me now.

My mother sat Ernie between my sister and I at the table. And by Plum standards it was a relatively quiet meal. No explosions (if you don't count grandma, she blames the dog. The dog has been dead for 15 years) no dramas (if you don't count Mary-Alice mistaking Angie's homework for horse food)

Just a normal night.

But apparently it was all too much for poor old Ernie, who faked an asthma attack and left before dessert.

Oh, well. That just meant one less person to share the cake with.

My phone rang as I was helping my mother and Valerie do the washing up. It was Connie giving me the heads up, it seems that all the people that Vinnie had bonded out earlier that week were failing to appear at their court dates and Vinnie was on the warpath.

'Thanks Connie, I'll be by early too pick up the files'

'Do you think that you could take Lula with you tomorrow. She accidentally forgot to post the subscription renewal to Vinnie's favorite porn mag or some shit. I think he's gonna her killer honest '

I told her it was cool, at that I would see her in the morning. We finished the dishes and I managed to leave without a lecture and with leftovers.

I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.


	10. Chapter 9

NINE LIVES

CHAPTER 9

I was at the office bright and early just as promised. I collected my files and Lula, and was heading to McDonalds for breakfast

Lula was in hooker hauteur today.

Lime green spandex leggings and a canary yellow halter neck top that showed a good portion of stomach. Pink 4inch heels and a hat made of that fake fuzzy fur in the same pink. She looked stunning, or so she told me. And who am I to argue.

It looked as if my luck was holding; Lula and I collected three of my four FTA's without incident before lunch.

We decided to celebrate with a trip to the mall.

We were knee deep in a pile of Macy's shoe department. I had just tried on a to die for pair of snakeskin (faux of course) sandals with a three inch stiletto heel. I had paid all this months bills, and had even managed to put some away for a rainy day, but I was still debating wether to buy.

I was half way through asking Lula's opinion on the matter when I spotted the hottest pair of FMP's I had seen in a long time. They were even hotter than the pair I destroyed in the bar fire (not my fault) last summer. These were some fine looking shoes. Black leather, four inch heel with a 2 inch wide ankle strap.

These shoes were the shit.

Shoes that hot deserved a new dress.

Lula and I hauled ass over to Macy's dress department and proceeded to try on almost every dress they had.

God only knows where she found it, I was in the change room rejecting yet another cocktail dress when she brought in this hot pink silk number that shimmered in the light. It was short tight and ridiculously low cut. Lula insisted that I try it on immediately.

Now this was not something that I would normally wear. Not even for distraction jobs. It was just to…sexy. But we were having fun, being girls and playing dress up.

Lula had shoehorned herself into an orange spandex thing – I refused to call it a dress, and the sight of her bouncing up and down was too much to argue with.

I zipped myself in, while Lula disappeared mumbling something about a matching handbag. The dress fit like a second skin. Tight to the point of suffocation, at least that's what it looked like, it was actually remarkably flexible. And on it was a whole lot classier than it looked hanging on the rack. And hot damn, it pushed me up to a c cup!

In my excitement at my new bust size I burst out of the change room in search of Lula.

'for a skinny assed white girl you sure look goooood' That was a compliment I'm sure of it.

I was admiring myself in the big mirror that the staff at Macy's had thoughtfully placed outside the change rooms and Lula had found a seat and was taking a break.

'So what's with batman?'

'He's outta town' I gave her the short answer.

She grunted 'and what about the cop?'

'We've been over this.' _a lot_ 'Joe and I are finished'

'and the blind dates at you mama's?'

'Complete disaster' I wasn't really paying attention. I was too busy checking me out. Damn I _did_ look good.

'So there's no one new then?'

'No'

'you sure?' where the hell was she going with this

'Yeah, Lula I'm sure'

'So you don't know that guy over there that's drooling all over himself?'

'Which guy?' Oooh I was paying attention now

'the guy with the camera'


	11. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Steve Elton, 19 year old college student , studying computer science had been arrested at a frat party for disrupting the peace. And had inadvertently I'm sure, missed his court date.

Now the thing about Steve Elton, was that he didn't look like he knew much about disturbing the peace. Didn't look much like he disturbed the water when he took a bath.

When I had read his file earlier that day there was nothing in it that would suggest "peace disturber" or " bail jumper" what I read did suggested more along the lines of "dungeons and dragons" and "internet porn".

But nothing in his file helped explain why he would be standing in the women's clothing department in Macy's.

And his file didn't mention an interest in photography.

Why was this little string bean taking my picture!

'Hey you' I yelled. I have no idea why, it just seemed appropriate.

But Steve took it to mean "take off running"

Why did they always run?

And we were off. Steve arms and legs flailing, me in the sexiest dress imaginable and shoes definitely not designed to run in; and bringing up the rear was Lula in her orange spandex number that road higher and higher up her thigh with each step.

Oh boy!

We ran through women's wear, sporting goods back through shoes. And by this time we had picked up a few security guards. I nearly had him in the makeup department, but the little weasel bolted for the exit.

The security guards didn't sound to happy about us taking Macy's goods out of the store without paying for them, but I blocked them out and concentrated on running in heels.

It happened in the food court. _It always happens in the food court_. Steve turned back to take a few candid snap shots, thought full of him really, god only knows that I don't have nearly enough pictures of my bounty hunting exploits (yeah right! Grandma keeps a scrap book of) I didn't have any of my apprehension paraphernalia with me, my handbag was still up in the Macy's change room. So I used the only asset I had.

My legs.

As Steven was negotiating a hotdog stand I hitched up my dress, stuck my left leg out and tripped the little snot.

He landed face first into a big bowl of chilli.

It was a miracle I didn't get any on me.

Boy was I glad I bought that treadmill, not only did I look hot in this dress, but I didn't get out of breath chasing skips through the mall.

I was just congratulating myself when Lula, Macy's security and Mall security turned up. Steve was whipping chilli from his glasses and whimpering.

Once the security guards had caught their breath, the real fun began. It seems they couldn't work out who had jurisdiction. The Macy's guards thought they had as that was were it had started, but the mall guards argued that the food court was their turf .

I noticed that Steven had that "I see an opportunity to run" look in his eyes, but hadn't quite thought it all out yet.

I asked Lula who was slumped on a bench nearby if she had her cuffs on her. I took her wheezing to mean no.

Taking stock, I realised I only had one option. I sat down on the bench beside Lula and removed one of my shoes and rolled my stocking down my leg.

For a guy who was glued to my every movement Steve sure did look surprised when I bound his hands behind his back using only my stocking.

I'm nothing if not resourceful.


	12. Chapter 11

Hi Everyone, I just wanted to say thanks for all the reviews 

CHAPTER 11

I had been in similar situations before, where cops would argue over who had jurisdiction over a crime scene. It could take hours .

Lula and I sat back and sipped diet sodas and watched the rent-a-cops battle it out.

The only thing they did agree on was that none of us were allowed to leave.

Steve didnÕt seem to mind. His eyes had glazed over when I had taken off my other stocking and bound his ankles.

Good I hated wearing those things. But they did come in handy.

Eventually I was allowed to call the real cops to come and collect my skip.

Whenever my name goes out over the police scanner, you can be sure that more than the fair share of cops will turn up. IÕm convinced itÕs just to see who won the weekly plum disaster pool.

Today it was Eddie and Carl, Big dog, the new guy Johnson and Morelli.

yep

Morelli.

Only thing was that he walked straight passed me and went to referee the security guard smackdown.

Chicken.

Big Dog scrapped Steve off the floor and replaced my makeshift cuffs with cop standard issue.

ÔI believe these belong to you Miss PlumÕ Johnson, the new guy said blushing bashfully as he handed me my stockings

ÔNo explosions?Õ Eddie asked while checking out the mall for any signs of damage

ÔnopeÕ I said not caring if I sounded smug as I drank my diet coke.

ÔArgh, comÕon Plum youÕre killing me ItÕs been months since the last one.Õ Eddie whined

Ôthe kittyÕs hugeÕ Carl added, having just returned with a pretzel.

ÔDo you think you could organise something for next Wednesday? I just found out one of the kids needs braces. Do have any idea how expensive those things areÕ

I wasnÕt entirely sure that he was kidding.

I sat and talked with the boys while Lula went and retrieved our things from the change rooms. So much for not leaving the area. But the rent-a-cops looked to busy trying to strangle each other to care what we did.

Lula came back with our things and a large peperoni pizza.

ÔAll this arguing is making my hungry.Õ

Eddie, Carl, Bid Dog, Johnson Lula and I shared the pizza. Poor Steve didnÕt get any pizza as both his hands were cuffed behind his back and attached to a trash can.

We watched Joe try to keep the two groups of security guards from killing each other.

Who knew that the mall was so territorial.

Eventually a guy in a suit from building management turned up and told us all we could leave. He even let Lula and I keep our new outfits. Which was a good thing as Lula had gotten grease down the front of hers.

He said to consider them a sign of his gratification for not blowing anything up.

Huh!

I would have been outraged, but hell, I still got a free dress.

Big dog and the new guy escorted Mr Elton out to the squad car, Lula vanished due to her extreme allergy to cops, and Eddie and Carl actually went shopping, for a present for Shirley is what they said. 10 bucks says theyÕre up in the electronics store watching the big screen.

And that left Morelli.

I surreptitiously checked myself out in a nearby store window, Damn if I didnÕt still look good!

Morelli ambled over, cop face on.

ÔLookin good cupcakeÕ

ÔThanksÕ

ÔWanna get a CoffeeÕ

ÔThatÕd be nice, ThanksÕ See that wasnÕt so awkward now was it.

We went to a little coffee shop on the second floor, away from the foodcourt so it was quiet. I ordered a vanilla latte, Joe had Coffee. Black. _Such a cop._

ÔSo how are you?Õ he asked I could tell he was really trying.

ÔIÕve been good. You?Õ

ÔWorks been keeping me busy.Õ

ÔI noticed you havenÕt been around the station much.Õ

ÔStill checking up on me cupcake?Õ A little hurt crept through the tough cop exterior

ÔJoeÕ I reached out across the table, he snatched his hand back.

ÔJoeÕ I tried again Ô IÕm sorry I hurt you, I really am, but you know that we werenÕt working. WeÕve talked about this. WeÕre not right for each other.Õ

ÔWe felt pretty rightÕ he said with one of those chuckle/snort comboÕs that guys do when they make innuendos.

ÔYeah, but I am who I am and IÕm not going to changeÕ

I saw him about to say something ÔOr give up my jobÕ I added quickly.

ÔI know all this.Õ Joe punctuated the statement with a big slurp of coffee.

ÔI also thought you were the woman that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. You were everything I was looking forÕ

ÔNo Joe I was only half the woman. You need someone whoÕs going to be happy living in the BurgÕ

ÔI want someone strong, like you.Õ

Ôyou need someone, who can cookÕ

ÔI want someone feisty and independent like youÕ

ÔYou need someone caring and nurturing.Õ

ÔI want someone with who is clever and smart like youÕ

ÔYou need someone who is willing to be a cops wife, and have babies and go to church on Sunday andÉÕ he didnÕt let me finish

ÔAre you saying that youÕre none of those things?Õ

ÔNo, what I am saying is that I may be the woman you want. But IÔm not the woman you need.Õ


	13. chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

After my talk with Morelli I had to go back to the station to collect my body receipt, by the time I got home I was worn out physically and emotionally and ready to crash on my couch with a tub Ben and JerryÕs.

The last thing I was prepared for was a tearful Val camped out on my doorstep with her own tub of ice cream.

I managed to get her inside and onto my new (death cootie free) couch before the real waterworks started.

I left her alone for a few minutes so she could have a good cry, and also so I could change out of my new sexy dress and get some spoons and chocolate sauce for the ice cream, I had a feeling we were going to need all the help we could get.

Especially when her opening line was: ÔWhatÕs wrong with me?Õ

_Oh boy_

ÔFirst Steve leaves, then I have to move back in with my parents, I canÕt find a job, I make a horrible lesbian, my mother has to bribe men to have dinner with me and even the wink wont date meÕ poor Valerie was doing that very unattractive blubbery sniffle thing between gulps.

It isnÕt t very often that I feel sorry for my perfect sister. But tonight was one of those times. She looked perfectly miserable sitting on my couch crying her eyes out.

Ice cream turned into Vodka.

But Valerie and I arenÕt very good drinkers and we passed out blind drunk sometime in the early hours of the morning.

The most horrendous noise woke me, a screeching so loud I was sure it would make ears bleed.

Turns out I had been using my handbag as a pillow and my cellphone was ringing.

It was Ranger.

ÔBabeÕ

I think I may have grunted a reply

ÔBabe you awake?Õ

ÔI am nowÕ thanks to Val and her flying limbs

Ôhey! Watch itÕ

ÔmmehffphmÕ Val was even less eloquent than I was in the mornings.

ÔWhat was that?Õ Even through the haze I could tell that RangerÕs tone had changed

ÔJust the worlds biggest bed hogÕ It had been a long time since I had had to share a bed with my sister. The last time I think would have been when we had spent a week in a cabin by the lake when I was 10. Val had been convinced a bear was going to get in during the night and eat her. I donÕt know what sleeping in a bed with me was going to do, maybe she figured that the bear would eat me first and be too full to eat her too. All these years later and she was still a blanket hog.

ÔWhoÕ I may have been able to tell that the tone of his voice had changed a moment ago, but now I realised how it must have sounded

ÔOh, thatÕs just Val.Õ I didnÕt want him getting the wrong impression or anything

ÔShe stayed over last night. We had an ice cream and vodka partyÕ

ÔUh HuhÕ I think he was back to laughing, or as close to laughing as Ranger got.

ÔShe was feeling kinda lowÕ

I rolled away from Valerie and dropped my voice to a whisper Òhow are you?Õ

Ôhit a snag with the jobÕ

ÔohÕ

ÔBureaucratic bullshit. I may have to fly out to DCÕ

I had a mild panic attack, but from underneath my hangover I donÕt think it showed.

ÔDo you think it will take long?Õ

ÔWith the government , usually.Õ

Val made a noise akin to a cow with a cold and hauled at the blankets.

ÔRanger, I miss youÕ Maybe it was the hangover, the lack of sleep or sharing a bed with my sister that made me say it, but I was glad I did.

He didnÕt answer for a while. Just dead air and a long distance telephone line. But just when I thought he had hung up;

ÔSteph. I miss you to.

A wake up call from Ranger usually makes me perky.

_Uh hmm_

And it seemed that the flirting ÒthingÓ that we had going had most definitely developed into a serious ÒthingÓ.

Although still only a phone ÒthingÓ, _and no not that kind of a Òphone thingÓ_

But the whole situation had promise.

I had already showered and dressed when Val found me watching cartoons and eating cereal. She grunted at me and headed to the kitchen. I assumed for coffee.

Surprisingly I was feeling okay (but not good) Which is a miracle in itself considering the amount we drank last night. But judging from ValerieÕs sunny disposition I would hazard a guess she wasnÕt as lucky.

Ôwhat you smiling aboutÕ Val growled lowering herself gingerly onto the couch beside me.

ÔIÕm not smilingÕ I grinned

Ôyes you areÕ

Ôno IÕm notÕ

She raised an eyebrow.

Ôokay maybe just a little bitÕ

ÔUh huh. Does it have anything to do with that early morning phone call?Õ

ÔWhat phone call?Õ

ÔThe obscenely early phone call. The one that you thought I couldnÕt hear because you were whisperingÕ

ÔNope no idea what youÕre talking aboutÕ

ÔThe phone call that made you start smiling like a foolÕ

ÔYou sure it was me?Õ

ÔYep. YouÕre still smiling like a fool, and youÕve been bouncing around here ever since.Õ

ÔI have no idea what youÕre talking aboutÕ I smiled and ate my breakfast.

ÔThe phone call that woke me up!Õ Val humpffed. She had decided to get pissy with me.

ÔOh _that_ phone callÕ I said as I disappeared into the kitchen for more coffee, narrowly missing the cushion that was aimed at my head.

Last night I had promised Val that we would spend the day together. IÕm sure Valerie had shopping for shoes in mind when she suggested it. Unfortunatley for her my day included stopping by to collect any new skips.

We stoped for a box of doughnuts before heading into the office. I really needed the sugar this morning. I wasnÕt feeling as perky as I had and the hangover had definitely settled in. Valerie on the other hand was feeling marginally better now that she had thrown up.

It was eerily quite in the office. Both Connie and Lula were nowhere in sight, VinnieÕs office door was shut

There was a note with my name on it on ConnieÕs desk.

ÒSteph, VinnieÕs blown a gasket. All the bailees bailed. This pile is for you. GoodluckÓ

Pile, Pile! It was more like the leaning tower of Trenton precariously perched on the corner of the desk.

This was not good. This was really really not good

I took the file and Valerie back to my jeep. I needed time to think this over.

I had a 15 skips! 15 it had to be a new record. 15 skips to track down and only a few days to do it in before Vinnie would forfeit the bond, which would be bad, very bad.

15 skips and no clue where to start. Actually I knew where to start. McDonalds and the breakfast menu.

You always think better on a full stomach ( Lula had taught me that)

I t was Valerie who noticed it first. We were sitting in McDonalds eating hashbrowns and reading over the files.

These knucklehead FTAÕs all went to the same college, better still they all belonged to the same fraternity.

Looked like we were going to take a drive over to the oleÕ alma marter and check out what the frat boys were doing to day.

The drive over was silent. Not due to any habits I had picked up from Ranger but due to the fleet of jackhammers pounding away inside my skull.

The only thing that made me feel evenly marginally better was the fact that Valerie was a lovely shade of pale; now if only she would stop the moaning.

I pulled over and asked a perky blonde girl for directions to the Omega Alpha Males or whatever they called themselves.

Not only did she give me directions, but also a flyer for a party later that night.

Going via the good bounty hunters handbook I parked a few houses down on the opposite side of the street, car facing the fastest get away and watched.

It was a little before 2pm and it seemed like the frat house was just waking up, which I figured was normal, or at least it was when I was at school here. A van turned up a while later and delivered a couple of kegs. I even spotted a couple of the guys from my files. Something wasnÕt sitting right though. I was watching these big strapping young men burp and fumble around in the front lawn setting up for the party, but I kept thinking back to Steve Elton the snivelling amateur photographer, according to his file he also belonged to this fraternity. Now, I know how it sounds and I sound like a bitch for saying it, but Steve was a geek-type, and these guys were the typical jock-types; what the hell were they doing belonging to the same fraternity?

When Valerie woke up I handed her the flyer

ÔCan we go Steph? can we?Õ

ÔWe wouldnÕt be going to a party Val. WeÕd be workingÕ

ÔpleeeeeeaseÕ

Looks like we were going to a frat party.


	14. chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

After our little recon mission I dropped Val back at home so she could pick the girls up from school.

I went home for a nap.

If I had to go to this college party, with college guys, and perky college girls with their perky college boobs then I was most definitely going to need some beauty sleep

Like we had planned, Val and I would have dinner at home with mom and whoever she had conned into having dinner with her unmarried daughters then we would head over to the college campus.

I was in toned down slut/badass wear for tonight's adventure. Tight jeans and a nice black tank top with one of those cool racing backs, you know the ones cut like a T that sits between the shoulder blades. It showed off my newly toned arms ( I had bought some hand weights to use when I ran on my new treadmill) It had sequences it was nighttime!

Val on the other hand had gone the with the sophisticated cocktail dress. Barry Morgenstern seemed to like it, but I sent her back upstairs to change reminding her that we there to pick up skips, not pick up.

Dinner was pork chops and green beans, mashed potatoes with banana cake for dessert.

Barry looked sad to see us go, But our mother looked like she might just spend the rest of the night ironing the wallpaper.

Over dinner she had mentioned at least 3 times to both Valerie and me that there were positions open at the button and tampon factories.

I suppose I was lucky that grandma was at a seniors social otherwise she would've wanted to come too

We rolled up about 8:30 I wanted to be there earlier enough that most of the house members would be there but not too many others.

If I remembered correctly these things didn't really start to 10 at the earliest.

That was when it hit

I was going to need back up!

If all went to plan I was going to have 15 FTA's to return to the judicial system tonight.

I called Ranger, who said he would send some of his men around.

Then I called Lula, Connie and Mary Lou.

I made Valerie wait in the car while I had a quick look around. The music had just been turned up, but there didn't seem to be too many people arriving just yet.

It was a large house, and god only knew how many exits it had. I could see into the main living room from one of the downstairs windows, there looked to be some kind of drinking game in progress.

I was having some serious second thoughts about this.

I had just slunk back to the car to tell Val that it was off, when my reinforcements arrived

Maybe it would all work out okay.

Ranger had sent Tank

He stood 6'5 high and 4' wide. All muscle, and he had been trained to use it.

And they called him Tank.

At first I thought it was just because of his size.

Don't get me wrong size counts, but it's all in the name

Thomas Sherman AKA tank, and yes he had heard them all before. He had first picked up the nickname when he joined the army and some bright spark had pointed out his uncanny resemblance to the Sherman tank.

Then they found out his first name was Thomas, as in Thomas the tank engine.

_Oh Boy._

Tank had stuck.

I had known him for a year before I even knew he had a real name. Everyone called him Tank.

And Tank had brought some friends with him. All equally as skilled I'm sure. Six big strong intimidating men in all.

But more terrifying were the girls

Lula was in badass black tonight. Black cargo pants, black t'shirt, black beret, black boots and a black 9mm glock.

Connie, who had come from the bowling alley was in her league shirt , which was a beautiful shade of tangerine , with her name in big script across the back and the tightest stone washed jeans I think I had ever seen. I had no idea how a woman of her size could breathe let alone bend in pants that tight. I couldn't see a weapon on Connie, beside her 1 inch acrylic nails, but I was positive she had one stashed somewhere, she usually did.

Mary Lou, god bless her looked like she had been dragged out of bed, She probably had, it was a school night after all. Flannel pyjama pants with smiley clown faces partially hidden under a purple trench coat, her feet stuffed into ankle boots with 3inch stiletto heels. But it was the hair that did her in. Mary Lou had bed head.


	15. chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

I felt like a general addressing the troops before the battle. My crack team (team of crackpots was more like it) stood around me as I passed out the photos of the bail jumping scum that we were going to bring in tonight (see, I was being positive again)

The plan was that I would go in and suss out the situation, see how many of my skips that I could spot while the others got into position outside the building.

I checked that I had my gun, pepper spray and cuffs before strutting my stuff right through the front door …

I tried to fit in with the other girls milling around the chip bowl and studiously avoid the keg. There was no way on this sweet earth that I was ever drinking alcohol ever again. I still had a pounding headache and I might just puke yet.

I managed to spot a few of the skips in the hall and on the stairs. But in the lounge room I really hit pay dirt. There was a group of 10 maybe 11 guys. Only problem was that they all turned to look when I walked into the room

Now, I was flattered that they even looked it gave me and my thirty year old boobs a bit of an ego boost. I was however up shit creek because they recognised me

'Dude, that's her! That's Stephanie Plum'

'No way!'

'Shit, the Bombshell bounty hunter here at our party'

'she's hot!

Wow, not usually the response from wayward FTA's. One guy was actually on his knees bowing at little old me!

I started to think this was a very bad idea.

'I knew she'd come!'

'how cool is this!'

'Man, where are your manners. Offer Ms Plum a drink' the one I recognised as Chris Shaw from his file elbowed another one, who I thought might be Bennie Goodman. Bennie whipped the mouth of the bottle he was drinking before passing it to me.

I took it out of shock.

"Guys get in here! The bombshell Bounty Hunter 's here to take us in" someone yelled.

Seconds later, there before me all lined up in a nice straight row were my 15 FTA's.

They should all be this easy.

I caught a glimpse of Tank through the window. I think he was shaking his head.

The girls burst into the room moments later guns and attitudes at the ready. I think they were disappointed when they found me sitting on a sofa, beer in hand and 15 young men lined up before me with their arms stretched out in front of them ready to be cuffed.

The Guys, on the other hand didn't look so sure of themselves when Tank and boys walked in.

'Bombshell how'd this happen?'

'I have no idea.' I answered honestly. 'I walked in, they gave me a beer and lined up just like that' I said pointing

'Huh'

'yeah!" I agreed, it was very huh

'That happen often?'

I gave him a pissy look and the infamous burg eyeroll. " You know it doesn't'

The one I think was Bennie took a half step forward, ' We think you're awesome'

'well thanks' its not everyday that you find out that you're worshipped by a a bunch of college guys.

'you're the coolest. We've got all your stuff.'

'Huh?'

'You know, like stuff in the papers and on the news, we even started a website'

'Dude shut up!'

'No. You keep talking' Tank did his intimidation think

'Um, yeah we're big fans of your work'

'Don't tell me that's why you did this?'

'Um yeah.'

A guy almost the size of Tank spoke up next. He was real enthusiastic " after last week, with the pics of you in the fountain like how else were we gonna meet such a hotass babe like you!' I didn't know whether to be flattered or scared.

I decided on pissed off.

'So you got yourselves arrested then missed your court dates. On purpose.' It wasn't really a question

"Um yeah'

I looked around the room then and realised that the party quests seemed to have disappeared, and that my so called friends were all laughing their arses off.

Fan-fucking-tastic

Tank, and the boys went to work securing the Omega Alpha morons wrists behind their backs with riot cuffs, you know the plastic things that look like you should be tying up an open packet not a persons hands.

Another one of Ranger's guys, the one they called Beetle (I have know idea why) was checking names and faces against the files. He nodded at me, which I took to mean that we got them all.

Bennie looked to be all talked out, and most of the others were only now just realising that this was real. I picked Chris out of the line up

'You. Tell me about this website'

'Now!' Tank added helpfully. He was very good like that.

'it's not much really, Steve had only been working on it a few weeks'

So that explained Steve Elton, he was their Randy.

'Connie, can you call the cops, we're going to need some more transportation'

'No problem hotstuff'

I shot her a deathglare and a middle finger before swinging my wrath back on Chris. 'You. Show me.'

Tank and I went upstairs with Chris to, what I can only assume was Steve's bedroom.

It looked more like a shrine.

(Only a small one)

To me.

There were clippings from the newspapers, pictures obviously lifted from footage, most likely from the TV news. What was more worrying were the pictures taken of me crossing the street, me shopping with Lula, at the laundromat. Most from only the last couple of days but still scary as shit, because I had no idea that this little creep was following me around town.

Chris started up the computer and brought up the website. It was a sub page off the official fraternity page. There wasn't much to it, just the same stuff that was on the wall.

Oh, and video of the chase through Macy's. Somehow these guys had gotten their hands on the video surveillance tapes

Just great!

When we came back downstairs, Tank carrying the computer, the party had moved outside.

When the cops pulled up there were 15 handcuffed college boys kneeling in a line on the front lawn of the fraternity house; a Bowling dynamo, an ex-hooker badass, 6 well trained muscle men, a very tired house wife, a recent divorcee and me.


	16. chapter 15

A giant thank you to everyone who has been leaving me such encouraging reviews

CHAPTER 15

We were quite a convoy. 6 police cruisers, 1 mini van, 2 black broncos, and my jeep.

Mary Lou dropped Lula, Connie and Val home while I went onto the station to get my body receipts. One of the Broncos had turned off somewhere along the way too.

When we arrived Tank had disappeared into a room with a detective who was very interested in the website.

All the FTA's had been put to bed in their new cells, and Eddie kindly reminded them not to drop the soap.

Funny how none of them were laughing now.

I had just said goodnight to the cops in the squad room, they had wanted to take me for a pizza, I promised them a rain check and was on my way out the door when my phone rang

'Babe, how'd it go?'

It was Ranger

'Easiest 10 grand I've ever made' I think I sounded smug.

'Really?' Ranger sounded suspicious.

'For a bond that high, it usually means a real bad guy'

'or 15 not so bad ones'

'15? Are you telling me that you brought in 15 skips in one night?

'Yep'

'Proud of you babe.

'Thanks Ranger'

'I think that's gotta be some kind of bounty hunting record.'

'Remember the other day when you said that getting my picture in the paper was going to be good for business. You were right.'

He laughed, that warm good-humoured laugh.

'Actually, it was because of that picture of me sitting in the fountain that these morons got themselves arrested and purposefully skipped.'

'Like I said what red blooded bail jumping bad guy wouldn't want to be brought in by the bombshell bounty hunter?'

He laughed some more. But I wasn't upset. I had a fan club now. I didn't need him.

'I've gotta hand it to you Babe, You really attract the crazy ones'

'Well, what does that make you then?' I clamped my hand over my mouth as soon as the words were out. What was I doing? It must be finding out that college boys thought I was "awesome" that was making me so bold.

'Certifiably insane'

_Gulp_

And he hung up.

I floated home, obviously because I didn't remember driving.

I woke up the next morning to my answering machine. It was Vinnie. He sounded strange. It may have been the fact that he was giving me the day off, or it may have been because he sounded like he was happy, and not in the usual – Joyce is in my office kind of way.

Vinnie was giving me the day off, because he said I deserved it. I actually think he couldn't stand to see a cheque that large written out to me in one go.

I didn't have to work. My rent was paid, for the next few months in fact. I've found that its best to pay it while I can because god only knows the next time I will have to sell my furniture to eat. My credit card was actually in credit for a change and all my other bills were paid. (And that was even before you added the 10,000)

I had already been to the mall once this week.

Well damn that meant I was going to have to clean the apartment.

I spent a good part of the day cleaning, washing and organising my apartment. It had been a long time since I had last done it. After that I had called the troops and thanked them all for their help last night. I arranged to have a late lunch with Mary Lou.

Pino's carpark was fairly empty, but that was normal for this time of day. Inside there were a few cops, a couple of business types, a mother's group with a bunch of screaming kids in the family area in the back.

Mary Lou was waiting for me in a booth a large pepperoni pizza in front of her. Good I was starving it's amazing the appetite you can work up cleaning.

Mary Lou and I caught up on the neighbourhood gossip and giggled like schoolgirls while we ate. Eddie and Carl came in to pick up some subs for lunch, they stopped by our table and convinced me to come by later tonight after their shift ended for a couple of beers.

After lunch Mary Lou had to run and pick her boys up so I headed over to Sunny's gun range for a little practice. I was getting quite good. I hit the target almost all the time now.


	17. chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

Potroast and baked potatoes. Chocolate cake for dessert. I think my mother had exhausted her catalogue of meals.

Jason Runson was the dinner guest this evening, he sold women's shoes for a living. That's all I knew, and already he was the best we'd had. That is until he burst into tears when we ran out of potatoes. My mothers baked potatoes are pretty good, but I really didn't think they were worth crying over.

My mother the hostess offered him seconds of beans. I nearly choked on my potroast when she sent me into the kitchen for more bread rolls and I misheard her;

'Now Jason dear can I offer you some more beans? No, how about some bread? Stephanie?'

I wasn't the only one judging by the way that my father's eyes were bulging.

What she had really said was: "Now Jason dear can I offer you some more beans? No, how about some bread? Stephanie. deep breath Stephanie go into the kitchen for more carrots.'

Sometimes my mother paused to breathe in the most inopportune moments.

The whole event had been rather uneventful. And afterwards Valerie had had to run off to a parent teacher night at Angie's School.

I washed up and then watched a bit of TV with Dad and Grandma, until their bickering gave me a headache. By that time it I was late to meet the guys at Pino's anyway.

Pino's carpark was full. But that was fairly normal for this time of night. I walked through the door to a round of applause. My friends on the force had obviously started without me, as everyone seemed in good spirits, that's a euphemism for well on the way to drunk.

After a while the crowd started to thin out, it being a weeknight and all.

I limited myself to only one beer, because I had to drive and because I still vaguely remembered my vow never to drink alcohol ever again.

I was sitting with Carl sharing a pino's special pizza with the lot when Joe walked in with a date.

I had expected to react differently. Hell! I expected to react at all. I sensed that Carl had gone very still, as if he was waiting for me to do something. I told him to relax.

My only thought was that I was happy that he wasn't with Terri Gilman.

I asked Carl to pass me another slice.

Joe spotted us, ducked his head and ushered his date to a back booth.

Chicken.

What did he expect me to do damn it! I was being the mature one here! I wanted him to date, I wanted him to meet someone nice who made him happy.

I didn't make Joe happy, I gave him ulcers.

I really truly wanted him to meet someone who was good for him . As long as it wasn't that skank Terri

I gave them a smile and a little finger wave on my way out.


	18. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

Joe would always be special to me. I had expected the realisation that he was moving on with his life – without me, would hurt. It hadn't so much hurt as it tickled. A funny little feeling that left me sad but content, and a little relieved. I loved Joe.

I just loved Joe the wrong way.

But I did love Joe enough to leave him.

(a few weeks later)

Trenton was still as hot as hell.

Ranger was still out of town.

My luck with my skips was still holding.

I was still keeping up my new exercise regime and going to the gun range.

Valerie and I were still single.

Our mother was still playing host on the dating game

I was feeling good with myself. That was until I arrived at my mothers for dinner. She was acting strange, well stranger than usual. She avoided eye contact, and would change the subject when either Val or I asked her if anyone was joining us for dinner tonight.

We were all sitting down to dinner when she cracked

"No one!'

'No one what' Grandma asked

'No one is coming to dinner.'

'Oh, is that all' I think Valerie and I both breathed a sigh of relief.

'Really Helen I thought it was something important'

Mom broke down in tears then. It had been a long time since any of us had seen my mother cry. I think the last time was the burnt pot roast of 1989.

'it's okay mom, Val and I can find our own dates you don't need to…'

She cut my off 'no. You can't. Do you know how hard it is to find a nice normal man in this town? Impossible! Look at the freaks that have come to dinner the last few weeks freaks all of them. And they were the best I could find.'

'Get your panties out of a bunch. I invited someone' we all turned to stare at Grandma. We all knew her taste in men.

That was when the doorbell rang.

It was Joe.

Joe Morelli stood on the porch of my parents house, like he had a hundred times before. Except this time he wasn't here for me.

He was here for my sister.

Or that's what Grandma said as she dragged a very confused Joe into the house and sat him beside my sister at the table.


	19. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

'Joe and I broke up grandma. Remember?'

'Don't be stupid Stephanie. I know you did. Joseph's your sisters date tonight.'

Oh silly me.

Wait a minute, what!

'I'll explain it to you Steph. - she cooks, she cleans, she's a good burg girl.'

Okay. I was with her on that

'He has a house, a job and a fine ass'

Yes, he does.

'What better match could possibly be made'.

And as an after thought she added; 'and the sooner I can get her and her two kids outta here the sooner I get the bathroom back.' She went off into the kitchen mumbling about how four adults two kids and one bathroom just wasn't right

I agreed with her, about the bathroom that is.

Later as I was lying in my thinking position I started to agree with her on the other thing too.

Maybe Grandma was right.

Valerie is everything that I'm not; she does cook, she does clean, and she is a good burg girl.

But she is also an intelligent woman who has just recently found her own independence. She's feisty when she wants to be, and god help the person that gets between her and the sale table. And I know she has those damn Mazur genes that get us into trouble. I think hers are just buried deeper than mine

Joe, who has survived more family dinners than anyone thought was possible. He loves kids and gets along with the girls. They used to love it when he would come over and play with them. And he does have a house, a job and a fine ass.

Maybe the idea wasn't as weird as I first thought.


	20. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER 19**

I decided to treat myself, and Valerie too, to a day of luxury; Facial, manicure, pedicure, the works. After we had been plucked and prodded and waxed and massaged and thoroughly pampered we floated home.

I dropped Val off at home then went passed McDonalds for a quick drive thru Big Mac.

I was a very happy girl; A day of beauty and relaxation, and saturated fats. – was there anything better?

I drove/floated home contemplating what could possibly make my day better; the list was short.

Rex was running a marathon on his wheel, my answering machine was blinking, my stomach was full, my legs waxed, my eyebrows perfectly arched, my skin deep cleansed.

I was brushing my teeth when the phone rang.

'Babe you busy?'

it was Ranger

'Nah' oh crap I needed to spit, great timing Plum! 'getting ready to go to bed'

'It's 7 O'clock'

'I've had a big day'

'Uh huh'

'So Babe, what are you wearing?'

Was he kidding? Over these last few weeks I had discovered a previously unseen side to Ranger's personality. The man actually had a sense of humour – who'd have thought!

But maybe he was serious.

Oh Boy. We'd had a lot of conversations, but we'd never had one like this.

'just something I picked up at victoria's secret'

'Really'

'uh huh' and technically it was. I was actually standing in my bathroom, toothbrush in one hand wearing a grungy old t shirt. But technically the underpants were from Victoria's Secret so I figured I was covered.

'You're just going to have to take my word for it'

'I don't know about that. You don't sound certain'

'Well Mr Manoso, I'm pretty sure I know what I'm wearing. And I happen to know that I am wearing one of Victoria Secrets best sellers.'

'What was that?'

'huh?'

'that noise, what was it?

I heard it now, there was someone at my door. Just great, we were finally getting to that phone sex thing I had heard so much about and someone was knocking on my door!

'there's someone at the door' I said putting the toothbrush down and heading out to the lounge room.

'and you're going to answer the door'

'yeah, it's probably just one of my neighbours' god only knows who else it could be

'you're going to answer the door wearing something you brought at Victoria's secret?'

oh yeah I hadn't thought of that

'So what if I am' ooo, I was feeling cheeky.

'Just thinking of the neighbours Babe, you open the door like that you're likely to give them a heart attack'

'hold on a second Ranger I need to see who's at the door. Maybe old Mr Brunstein needs to borrow a cup of sugar'

I unbolted the door and flung it open without checking the peephole, risky I know, but it had been months since I'd had a crazed stalker and I was still a little lightheaded after all that pampering.

It wasn't Mr Brunstein, and I didn't think that he wanted to borrow a cup of sugar.

'Hi'

'Hi'

'You lied'

'no I didn't'

'you said…'

'Shut up Ranger. Get your ass in here and kiss me hello.'

And he did. He had the door shut and bolted with me pressed up against it before I could even blink.

It was passionate and left my knees quivering and I was sweating in unusual places.

'Hi'

'Hi'

'So you're back then' he still had me pinned to the door, and his hands were doing the most delicious things.

'no not really'

'so that wasn't you just kissing me then?'

'no, that was me' and he did it again to prove his point.

I found it a little hard to find my voice, and my breathing was far from steady 'so you're not really here?'

I think all this kissing had shorted something in my brain

'no, I'm here' he said suckling gently behind my ear

'oh yeah' it was breathy , and I think it was more sighing than talking. But he got the idea and did it again.

'But I'm not really back.'

'not back' I repeated as I reversed our positions and slammed him against the door this time

'I have a meeting tomorrow I need to be here for'

'uh huh' I knew he was talking, and I was listening, I really was. But I was also busy running my hands up and down his amazing torso. There might have been some nibbling too.

There wasn't too much talking after that. There was however a lot more kissing, some groping and removal of clothing but nothing in the way of real conversation.

Earlier I had been contemplating what could possibly make my day better. I knew now; multiple orgasms.


	21. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

I wrapped my legs around him as he lifted me and walked us backwards, I wasn't paying attention to his direction. I was guessing he could find the bedroom on his own, he had done it before. I was too busy trying to remove his t shirt. I was starting to think that maybe this thing was spray painted on after all.

I was a little surprised when my butt meet with the dinning room table, but I was soon distracted by naked Ranger chest. He had decided to take pity on me and take his own t shirt off, and evidently mine too, as it was quickly whipped over my head. I was sitting on the table wearing nothing but my underwear, with a half naked man in front of me.

A half naked l_aughing_ man. What the hell was he laughing about! Now was not the time for laughing

'you weren't lying were you ' he said stepping forward and wrapping those wonderful arms around me

'I told you I was wearing Victoria's Secret' and I was, it was written right there on the band.

The rumblings from his soft chuckling were sending the nicest vibrations across my nipples and making me lose concentration. 'You're the one who doubted me buddy' the protest was half hearted due to said lack of concentration.

'never again babe'

'damn straight'

'let me make it up to you' he gently peeled me from his chest and lay me back against the table. He began kissing his way down my body, first my neck then my collar bone moving further down laying feather light kisses across my breasts . I was beyond conscious thought as his large hands ran down my body. My underwear was removed as he slid me further along the table. I was now lying length ways along the table, only my lower legs still hung over the edge.

Ever since the Dickie incident I hadn't thought of the dinning room table as a sexy piece of furniture, I think I was about to change my mind.

Ranger continued on his path, mindless of my withering, the feather like kisses turned soft, then harder and then to licking.

I was going out of my mind and he hadn't really done anything yet. When he moved down to my upper thigh I twisted in agony as he had bypassed the one place I wanted him. He restrained my hips gently with his strong hands and told me to be patient.

I thanked the beauty salon gods that I had had my legs waxed today as I tried to wrap my legs around him but failed due to our position. 'I'm done being patient' I gritted out through clenched teeth.'

'Good things come to those who wait' he replied with a grin

Propping myself up on one elbow I looked him in the eye and said "I've waited long enough. I want you now' he stared back at me, looking for something.

He must have found what he was looking for because the next thing I knew he dragged me back towards him and in one swift move the dinning table was my new favourite piece of furniture.

It was later, who knows how long, I certainly lost time somewhere after we made it to the bedroom. Multiple orgasms will do that to you.

We were lying tangled in the sheets diagonally across my bed, heads where the feet usually went.

When I was finally able to talk again is I said 'Welcome home Ranger'

He chuckled and kissed my shoulder.

'And what a welcome it was. Maybe I should go away more often.'

'Don't even joke about it. You're not going anywhere mister'

He got serious on me, I could tell because he changed position, so that now he was looking directly at me.

The look in his eyes said that was exactly the right thing to say, he was happy that I wanted him here, he was happy that I wanted him to stay.

I was drowning in the chocolate depths when his words contradicted everything that his eyes were telling me.

'This was not the way it was supposed to go. This shouldn't have happened.'

I went from post coital bliss to full out panic in zero point one seconds. He was leaving me again. He was going to fucking leave me again! I begun wiggling, trying to get out from underneath him. The fact that we were so entangled in each other and the sheets wasn't helping my desperate struggle.

'Oh Shit. No wait stop. Stephanie stop.' He stilled me and rested his forehead on my shoulder, breathing deeply.

His head was still buried when he begun talking again. 'Crap! Why can't I say this. Babe, please just listen.'

I relented, relaxing back down on the bed. 'Babe, What I meant was that this wasn't what I planned for tonight'

I could tell he was trying, but right now it wasn't helping. It still sounded like he regretted what had happened.

'I thought that we could go out to dinner, catch up have a nice meal then see what happened.'

Oh

'But things never seem to go as planned whenever you're involved. He was talking softly, and if I didn't know better I would have said he was embarrassed 'I did some thinking while I was away. And I came up with this plan to sweep you off your feet, wine you and dine you that sort of thing, but then there you were and…'

'I jumped you'

He chuckled and raised his head, bashful wasn't a look I saw on his face often. I kissed him on the end of his nose.

Not something that you do to a bona fide sex god in normal circumstances.

'Do you still want to take me to dinner?' my stomach obviously thought that sounded like a good idea as it rumbled right on cue.

'I would love to'


	22. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

We didn't go out to dinner. We couldn't think of any nice restaurants that wouldn't mind us groping each other while we ate. There were a few over on Stark street that I was sure didn't have a problem with that sort of thing, but they weren't known for their gourmet cuisine.

We ordered in. it was safer that way.

We slept late, and ate leftovers for breakfast.

Classy and romantic!

Ranger had a meeting with his accountant later, he invited me along. I wasn't sure, but he assured me that all he had to do was sign some papers then we could go out for lunch to make up for last night.

I told him last night was perfect. But he insisted, and who was I to turn down a free meal.

I had no idea where we were. I was too busy checking out Rangers new car. It had everything; buttery soft leather seats, GPS, a DVD, plenty of beverage holders, compartments for everything, the best sound system I'd ever heard (but don't tell Lula that, she prides herself of the size of her speakers – _among other things_) it drove like a dream, not even the infamous jersey potholes posed a problem for this baby. It was a Mercedes and it was black. But other than that I wasn't sure. It was a SUV, but not the soccer mum variety, this beautiful beast was more utilitarian, kinda like a baby hummer.

Ranger must have caught me drooling, because he told me that Brad Pitt drove the same. I don't know how that was supposed to help the drooling, now I was having visions of Brad Pitt too.

Ranger parked, and turned to me dazzling me with one of his 1000 watt smiles before kissing me. All thoughts of Brad Pitt disappeared which was good. He also woke up all those Hungarian hormones, which was bad. We had a meeting to get through.

Phil the accountant was a little man with a comb over, and a giant laugh that filled the room. We met him in a coffee shop on the ground floor of an upmarket office building.

Apart from the grey suit and the comb over he was nothing like the stereotype accountant. He was very friendly welcoming both Ranger and myself with a big bear hug, he told lots of jokes and showed pictures of his kids and subtly slipped business in between ordering coffee and grilling Ric about his latest adventure..

He was also the first person I had ever heard refer to Ranger as Ric. In all the years I had known him (all 2 of them) he had always been Ranger or on occasion Mr Manoso. The girls and I called him all kinds of things, the wizard, batman, god; but never to his face. Phil on the other hand called him Ric every chance he got. Ric, would you like a coffee? Ric, here look at these pics of the kids at Christmas, have you heard the one about the guy who walks in to the bar Ric? The first time he did it I actually looked behind to see if someone else was joining us.

As promised business was quick, papers signed – and I couldn't tell you what they were I'm not ashamed to say that I was a little stunned be the Ric thing.

In the past Ranger had always been Ranger, hot, dangerous and big with the mystery. I shouldn't really be surprised during his weeks away and all the phone calls he had let me see a side of him that, while still being hot and dangerous was also funny and caring. It was that side that was Ric.

We had lunch at a Vietnamese restaurant nearby. The food was excellent ; lighter than Chinese and better than the Thai fad that seemed to be sweeping the country. We ate quickly, while the owners seemed to be a liberal elderly couple ( ie grandma's type of people) I still thought they might frown on me throwing Ranger across the table and having my wicked way with him.

Ranger paid the bill and we slipped out the backdoor. As soon as the heavy steel door was shut behind us the groping began. _I think we did pretty well to hold off this long thank you very much_.

Ranger guided us to the car without ever breaking the kiss, which I appreciated, because god I was going to self combust with all the sexual tension.

I was already practically euphoric when he whispered in my ear " My place is closer"

Ohboyohboyohboy


	23. Chapter 22

Hi all, just a reminder, this was written (and supposed to have been posted) long before TBO came out. Due to too many computer problems to mention it remained locked up in my hard drive.

And again thanks for all those who reviewed.

I also want to apologise for the weird-ass text formatting you sometimes get – it only happens when I upload from my work computer – strange !

CHAPTER 22

Much later, when I regained all my senses I took in my surroundings.

The first thing that I noticed was the size…of the room.

The room was large, large as in the size of my entire apartment large.

_Isn't the word large just the strangest? _

_Why do I think of things like that - why do I think of things like that at a time like now._

_I think all the sex must have actually fried my brain. That's the only explanation._

The second thing I noticed was that it was white.

Yep, the original man in black had a white bedroom.

Smooth white Egyptian cotton sheets, big fluffy white pillows, the walls were a clean crisp white. The only thing that wasn't was the carpet, which was a deep charcoal grey and the bed itself which was a very dark chocolate coloured wood with a tall straight headboard, very modern. _Very_ nice.

Third thing that I noticed was how well all that white contrasted with his glorious honey toned skin.

_Oh boy was I in trouble. _

Ranger raised an eyebrow as he rolled over and gave me an " I know what you're thinking" look.

His ESP must have been working because it was couple of hours after that that we finally emerged from the bedroom and I got a good look at the rest of the apartment.

It was a converted warehouse and it took up the entire top floor. It was mostly open plan, the kitchen and living room flowed into each other. Exposed beams and the original brick walls, a long well worn dinning table with bench seats that reminded me of church pews, an eclectic mix of artworks and a bookshelf overflowing onto the floor, the largest leather couches that I had ever seen, to match the giant TV I guess. There were also a couple of sculptures and even a samurai sword in a case mounted on the wall.

In contrast to the comfortable elegance of the living space was what looked like his office. It was an ultra modern room separated by a wall of soundproof glass .It housed what I could only assume was top of the line computer equipment and other gadgets that I couldn't name.

It was comfortable, expensive, elegant and completely Ranger

Actually he owned the whole building, and the one nextdoor – I suppose we didn't have to worry about the neighbours complaining about the noise – just something to keep in mind.

'Babe?'

'yes Ranger?'

'Remember yesterday when I said I was not really back?'

I did. I just couldn't believe it had only been yesterday

'well I have to go…' I smothered the rest of his sentence with a kiss. I loved kissing the man, and I sure as hell didn't want to hear the rest of that sentence.

Ranger had other ideas, because he pulled away, holding me at arms length.

'Babe, I have a proposition for you…'


	24. Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

4 months later

It had been a little over four months since I had been back to Trenton, but it felt like a lifetime. I had done and seen so much, yet Trenton remained the same. It was strange to think that I had had all these experiences and had changed in ways that I couldn't even define, but still coming home felt like nothing had changed. The streets were still pot holed, the air heavy with toxins, the mall hadn't closed without my patronage and the row homes that lined the streets of the burg still had immaculately clean windows.

Standing outside my parents home, the aroma of cooking potroast, the sound of the television, I think I could even hear my father arguing with grandma – all the same as when I left.

'Aunt Steph!' Angie squealed as she came running around from the garage

'Aunt Steph's home!' Mary Alice followed quickly behind her sister

My Mother and grandmother appeared on the stoop as Angie and Mary Alice attached themselves to my waist hugging me tight.

I was starting to get choked up with all the emotion when my mother shooed us all inside. Dinner was the usual Plum affair lots of food, lots of talking, and even more bickering – oh and me being questioned about my love life and my job.

When I left all I had told them was that I was going to be working for Rangeman for a few weeks setting up a new business venture. Well, that few weeks had turned into a few months and the business venture turned in to my first international bounty.

I didn't think that they needed all the details, not just yet and not all in one go either.

I didn't think my mother could handle it.

My father wouldn't approve.

And I didn't want to give Grandma any ideas.

'So is Ranger your new boyfriend?' I could always rely on Grandma.

'yeah he is' I answered simply. No need to deny it

My mother made the sign of the cross, my father grunted and went back to his potatoes, and Grandma wanted explicit details. The girls didn't seem interested in the conversation as they were occupied with a small food fight. Valerie who had been particularly quite seemed to perk up a bit at this news

'well if he's your boyfriend now where is he? He should be here for family dinner.' My mother demanded

'He's away mum, he had to fly out to Washington for a business meeting.'

'A business meeting! You have been away with this man for FOUR months! Working and already he's away in Seattle all, the way across the other side of the country before you even unpack your bags'

'DC mom'

'Oh, well. Still he 's gone again. It's just not right.'

'Give the boy a break Helen, at least he has a job' Dad piped in. My father never says anything, so maybe some things had changed.

'Listen to your husband Helen. So Steph when's he coming back, next time he can sit next to me.'

'yeah that's great Grandma. I'm not sure when he'll be back, it kinda depends on how the meeting goes' Actually he had called, when I was sitting outside in the car psyching myself up for tonight, he would probably be sitting on a plane this very second.

After dinner was finished and the dishes washed and put away Valerie pulled me outside. We sat side by side on the front step. She had been acting strangely all night and it was starting to freak me out. Finally after chewing on her nails for a few minutes she turned to me

'I'm dating Joe' she said before burying her face in her hands

It was a few minutes before I collected my jaw off the pavement.

'Morelli?'

'Yes'

Joseph Morelli?

'yes'

'Joseph Anthony morelli?'

'yes'

'my Joe?'

'no, my Joe.'

_Wow! So some things really had changed _

She peeked through a crack in her fingers, I think to see how I was taking it

Stunned silence was how I was taking it. Valerie jumped up and begun pacing up and down the walk.

"It was after you left for Texas or wherever you went, we ran into each other at the deli and got to talking about how strange it was the night that Grandma invited him to dinner. It was nice and he brought me a coffee and a Danish. Then we ran into each other again, this time at the market he was buying dog food I was buying ice cream. Then a few weeks later I was having lunch at Pino's with some of the girls and we bumped into each other I said' we've got to stop meeting like this" so he invited be out to dinner. We didn't mean for anything to happen we were just friends talking about old times, things from back in high school, we were so many of the same classes, it was fun to reminisce. Honest Steph we didn't plan on this happening.'

She ended with a begging note to her voice, she sounded emotionally exhausted . On her next pass back up the walk I grabbed her hand and pulled her back down onto the step beside me. She was making me dizzy.

'Is it serious?'

'I don't know, maybe. '

I looked at her, and gave her my own version of the raised eyebrow

'I really like him' she admitted before hiding her face again.

'Good. You both deserve to be happy'

I don't think she was expecting me to take the news this rationally. Burg women aren't known for their rationality, especially where boyfriends past or present are concerned

'I actually think you're pretty perfect for each other'

'really!'

'Oh yeah, I even told Joe that once.' I remembered back to the day that I had said to Morelli that he needed someone like my sister – I hadn't expected him to take me so literally.


	25. Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

I drove home, no not home, well not my apartment anyway. I had sub-leased my apartment to Lula when I had gone away.

I drove home to Ric's apartment, which was my home too, he kept on insisting. Not that either of us had spent much time there in the recent months, but the place was really growing on me. I liked the fact that no one knew where it was, the size of the bathroom, more importantly the size of the water heater, I was really getting used to the security levels and the fact that no psycho killer was going to be able to break in here.

The Cuban sex god that lived there wasn't too bad either.

Yeah I think I was starting to love my new home.

Standing in the enormous shower I thought about my new place; super massage jets of endless hot water …oh yeah I was really starting to like it here. I also thought about my new place in life, god I sound like a selfhelp book. But seriously, I was really loving where I was right now. I had a fabulous man who adored me, a challenging and fulfilling job, I had money in the bank and my wardrobe was filled with new designer clothes. What more could a girl ask for.

After a long shower I crawled into bed. I hadn't been alone in the apartment often and I really thought that I would/should take advantage and have a good snoop. Ric says he doesn't have any deep dark secrets that he's hiding from me, but no one is perfect. I am sure he has a Wham CD stashed somewhere or am embarrassing stonewash denim disaster lurking in the back of his closet.

The need to sleep won out over my need to snoop. And I wrapped myself in the silky elegance of the smooth Egyptian cotton sheets. Tonight was the first time in the 41/2 months that Ric and I have been together, that I have gone to sleep alone. After only a short time it still felt strange, like something was missing.

And he was.

But not for long, His flight should be getting in soon and I'll just rest my eyes until then.

Uh huh, yep just resting…

The digital clock was glowing big, bright and annoying. And I was about to smoother it with a pillow when I realised the real reason that I had woken.

Tall dark and drop dead gorgeous

'Hi' I said softly with a sleep heavy voice

'go back to sleep babe' he whispered back

'I wasn't asleep'

'no?'

'resting my eyes' is what I crocked. But my eyes were wide awake now as I watched him remove his clothes

'uh huh'

'so, maybe the jetlag got me' I admitted in defeat

"I think it got me too' He said slipping into bed and snuggling up behind me.

'I didn't want to got to sleep without you on our first night back in Trenton.'

He kissed me softly ' I never want to got to sleep without you'


	26. Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

I woke again sometime in the early morning. Ric was sleeping soundly stretched out on his stomach, one arm still wrapped around my middle. The fact that even in a dead sleep he was still holding on to me sent tingles down my spine.

With the soft light of the (very) early morning sneaking through the crack in the curtain I could see the outline of our luggage, which we had dumped in one corner of the room. Me because I hate unpacking – packing I love, unpacking I hate, Him because no more than half an hour after we arrived home from the airport and the batphone started ringing.

Back from Italy no more than half an hour and already he was turning around and heading back to the airport.

There was some last minute meeting that he had to attend in Washington, some review committee for the urban assault training facility that we had been working on.

After the success of the first urban assault training programme that Ric had put together he was approached to design and oversee the construction of a second larger facility out in the desert somewhere. I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you – no seriously I signed some confidentiality -no disclosure-legallybinding-uncle sam will come and kick my butt If I spill the beans-document.

Okay, so it looked like Ric was going to be away for at least three months . Which I was not too happy about, especially considering that he had been back only a week when the deal came through.

Proving that he really is the opportunist that he claimed to be, he invited me to come along. Not just as his girlfriend (yep, he said it) but as an employee as well. He claimed that if he was going to design an urban training course to teach America's finest the art of urban warfare, then who better to have on his team than the bombshell bounty hunter famous for her ability to escape any situation.

So I packed my bags, diverted all my calls to my cellphone , sub leased my apartment to Lula who was actually looking for a place, Told Vinnie I was going on vacation and I that I'd call him when I got back, Dropped Rex off at Marylou's , and tried desperately to come up with a feasible lie to tell my mother.

In the end I couldn't think of one. So I went with an amended version of the truth. That I was going away on business. No not bounty hunter business exactly. I'll be working with Ranger.

It didn't go down so well.

To say the least.

Lets just say that the toilet paper was ironed that night.

I think that she relented when I _may have_ inadvertently said something to the effect of needing to get away…to sort things out…to…

It was no fault of my own that she perhaps – perhaps took what I was saying to mean something along the lines of needing time away from home, away from certain people, maybe a certain someone.

Hey it wasn't my fault! I had a plane to catch.

I loved it! The work that is. It was a challenge, it was fun. Ranger even designed a training course that resembled Macy's shoe department.

We were finishing up at the UATF (urban assault training facility) having had a few of the top teams from the army, navy and the local SWAT come through and give it a thumbs up (after having had their butts kicked I like to add) when Ric was contacted by an old colleague who he worked with when he first started out chasing skips.

The difference between Ric and me: my first job was out of necessity, Ranger's first job was out of the country.

This friend of Ric's known only as Butch, needed help tracking down a high end skip. A woman named Veronica Pastrelli who was arrested for skimming money out of the office accounts, the fact that her husband owned the company and they were going through a very messy divorce only added to it. So far the courts had only been able to trace 12 million back to her.

The bail was set so high because she was considered to be a high flight risk.

As it turned out the judge was right, and Ms Pastrelli had skipped the country . Butch wanted Ranger to track her down and bring her back into the system. He was having an employee shortage and didn't have the manpower to send someone to Europe for a few weeks to find, and I quote "a bored housewife on one hell of a shopping spree"

So that's how Stephanie Michelle Plum at age 32 finally got to see Europe.

Ranger took the job on the condition that I would agree to accompany him. That sounded all right to me. So I packed my bags. Again

It took us a week to find Ms Pastrelli sunning her self in Capri. Once we had handed her over to the federal officers at the airport and signed all the papers we decided to stay a while.

For two glorious weeks Ric and I travelled around, first a quick trip to Paris, then we did the south of France, played blackjack in Monaco, Ric even took me to Switzerland to buy chocolate before we went back to Italy, to Rome for our flight home.

It was a whirlwind adventure.

Ric says we'll do it again soon, but do it properly.

Lying in bed curled around the most amazing man, staring at our unpackaged luggage reminiscing about the past few months of my life; I wonder what I did to get so lucky?

He really is the most amazing man. Who knew that the ghetto street talkin' thug that I first met was the same man who spoke five languages, had travelled the world extensively, has a stock broker, lawyer and an account on call 24hours a day, is a giant book worm and will read anything from comics to poetry to classic literature, is incredibly loyal to his friends and family, will go to extraordinary lengths for anybody if they ask him to, but is a very private person who closely guards his privacy and only lets a very select few people into his inner sanctum .

This kind, considerate, caring intelligent man, who was currently gently running his hand in soft circles across my stomach.

He may be a complete health freak, and he has no clue when it comes to food. But I love 'im anyway.

I think I may even be able to live with all that my body is a temple bullshit.

Hell. I have caught myself thinking on more than one occasion when he has used that line, that I may have found a religion that I could get into. Oh yeah I could definitely worship _that_ temple.


	27. Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

Later that day when I had eventually disentangled myself from Ric and those glorious sheets. I had lunch with Marylou.

We went to Pino's.

I had missed my friends. And I had missed Pino's.

I had missed Pino's a lot. Not so much when we were in Europe, but you try finding a pizza joint this good on an abandoned army base.

Mare and I slipped into a back booth and straight into conversation.

'it's weird'

'you're telling me.'

'it's really weird'

'I know.'

'He was… you and Joe were… for so long…and now' Marylou couldn't seem to make whole sentences. But I understood I had had the same reaction.

'Your sister's boyfriend has seen you naked'

'uh huh'

'you've seen your sister boyfriend naked?'

'yep' _all kinds of naked_

We let that sink in for a while as we placed our order.

'you seem really calm. I thought for sure when you found out you would freak'

'Oh I freaked'

'major?'

'not so much. No. I just thought about something that Grandma said a while back, maybe they are right for each other, I don't know.' Talking about all this emotional stuff is hard. Luckily our pizzas and beers arrived.

God! How I've missed this. I think my moan was a little loud. The couple at the next booth turned around and stared.

'Maybe he had been dating the wrong sister all these years' I shrugged

'No sweetie don't say that. Joe and you were good together.'

'For a while' she amended. 'You're just both in different places now though.'

'yeah, he's in a Valerie place.'

Marylou and I both burst out laughing.

The rest of lunch she caught me up on what was happening in Marylou world and all the important local gossip. I told her a bit about my job in the desert. Nothing specific and nothing about my impromptu trip to Europe.

After lunch I swang by the office. It had been too long since I had spoken to Connie or Lula. Vinnie I could live without.


	28. Chapter 27

_Hi all, thanks for reading, Long story short ; Due to serious stupidity I lost 9 chapters of this story – and couldn't bring myself to re-write them._

_So I copped out and condensed some of the major points into chapter 27._

_Now I have the end already written (and saved thankyou very much) so I am a little worried that it doesn't flow and the ending wont make complete sense._

_Let me know what you think_

_thanks_

Nine lives

CHAPTER 27

It had been a big, and eventful, _very eventful _year for me.

Sitting here in the empty church , in the eerie quite that public buildings get when they are empty – like the building itself was use to having hordes of people traipse through it, but now the walls were taking the opportunity to nap. It was a little creepy

But considering the alternatives – I would rather be here.

The sign out the front read: Plum/Morelli Wedding here today

It was actually in less than two hours.

Valerie was at home at my parent's house having her hair and make up done and stressing over all those last minute preparations. Correction Valerie, Angie, Mary-Alice, Valerie's two brides maids, mom, grandma, three cousins, one elderly aunt, the hairdresser, the dressmaker, I lost count after that and snuck out the back. I passed my dad who was hiding in the garage, he smiled at me then turned the other way, so when my mother came looking, and she always did, he could deny seeing me – god I love my dad.

Why didn't I just go home? Good question – because Ric was there. The problem? I was avoiding him. No that's not exactly true either. It wasn't him that I was avoiding it was…no I'm not talking about it I'm avoiding it _thankyou very much. _

That and all the responsibilities of the maid of honor.

And sitting there in the freaky quite of the church where my sister was about to get married I thought back over my crazy crazy year.

Things went back to normal for a while, well as normal as it ever got. I went back to work for Vinnie, but more and more I found myself working with Rangeman, I suppose it was to be expected when your sleeping with the boss, Dinner with my family once a week. That first dinner that I had talked Ranger into coming to and Valerie had invited Morelli was a new definition of uncomfortable, but we all had survived – barely. Shopping at the mall, donuts from tasty pastry, the odd psycho nutjob stalker – normal.

All was right in the world of Stephanie Plum. I had a job that I enjoyed, I went home to a man I loved every night, my mother was happy, both of her daughters were dating, and no cars had self destructed in my presence in months.

That's not to say that it had all been smooth sailing. Ranger and I had had a few little bumps, nothing major or relationship destroying, just normal couple stuff. It was really impressive actually, considering the emotional minefield that we were negotiating. The first fight that we had, not really a fight – a disagreement. I remember standing in the parking lot behind cluck in a bucket, the dumpster burning in the background, cops, and fireman milling about, a less than happy skip cuffed and swearing sitting by my feet. I saw his new Porsche glide into the lot, purring like a giant kitten. I watched him step from the car and head in my direction, phone to his ear. Nothing unusual there, the man had an empire to run and an information network to stay plugged into – he was always on the phone. When my cell phone started to ring. It was Ranger. He was standing no more that 50 feet from me, but he called to apologise. Neither of us could remember what it was that he was apologising for or what we were arguing about. I subtly kicked the skip by my feet as I stepped over him as I walked towards Ric. We were a breath away from each other when we hung up. He kissed me softly on the lips and whispered "I love you " before slinging his arm across my shoulders and steering me back towards the crime scene.

And ever since then that's the way we have done it. If we ever have a disagreement or don't see eye to eye on something or he has something important to tell me, we do it by phone. There was this one time he called me (on my secure sat phone – I should mention) from the other side of the lounge room to tell me he loves me. It's a little quirky, but fitting – considering this side of our relationship started with a phone call.

The training facility we had been working wasn't quite finished. Primary construction was completed and we had had a few run throughs, got the thumbs up from the boys in camo. What was left was the hiring and training of the full time staff - being on an abandoned military base meant that there wasn't anything else around, which was generally a good thing, but when it came to the day to day running of an operation this size you needed people. Anyhow, it looked like we had at least another month of work ahead of us.

So we packed our bags – again.

It took longer than expected, but it always does, or so Ranger tells me when dealing with the government.

We ended up at the training facility for 3 months.

Don't get me wrong, I loved it out there the wide open spaces, hanging out with the guys, spending time with my very own sex god.

The first time it had taken my lungs some time to adjust to all that fresh air, but now I think I was getting use to it. But all the dust and dry wind and the feeling of isolation was starting to get to me. I was missed the smog and the traffic, the convenience of being to able to buy donuts and chocolate and coffee on almost every corner instead of here where it was almost a full days drive just to get to the local store. The irony of training America's elite military superheros in the skill of urban assault in the middle of nowhere was not lost on me

After three months it was done. The urban assault training facility was now fully staffed and operational. So we packed our bags – again.

But we weren't going home. We were going somewhere much better.

Ranger was taking me to Hawaii

You'd think that I'd be thrilled to be spending a couple of weeks in paradise, but I was a little nervous to say the least,

Our plane touched down in the early hours of the morning, and a limo whisked us away to a 5 star hotel on Waikiki beach. It was glorious; even through my 5 vodka's on the plane haze I could see that. Mila, not short for anything, just Mila was arriving later in the day and we were going to be staying here for a coupe of days before heading over to one of the outer islands where a friend of Ric's had a house.

I don't know what I had been so scared about. Mila was the most amazing kid, who after crash tackling her Dad at the arrivals gate at the airport and wrapped herself around my legs and started talking a mile a minute about her flight how cool it was flying by herself, how happy she was to finally meet me, her best friend Jesse who had a broken arm, how much fun we were all going to have. At this point Ranger had to reminder her to breathe.

He took the opportunity to formerly introduce us

'Babe, meet Mila'

' Mila this is Stephanie'

We both started giggling. And didn't stop for the 2 weeks we spent together.

I thought back over the amazing time we spent in Hawaii with Mila. Especially the day her Dad found her playing with my makeup and they both got worried I would hit the roof, but we all ended up doing each other's makeup. Yep the fearsome Ranger let two girls put make up on him.

The day that we dropped Mila back home in Florida and I got to met Ric's ex wife. The beautiful Ana, the half Russian half American army brat who in an act of teenage defiance married a soldier, but now taught ballet and was happily married to a great guy who worked in human resources for a computer company.

The thought of meeting Ric's family had scared me, but everything had worked out fine.

Mila was a great kid, polite, smart, funny and as cute as hell. Ana, Ric's ex wife was not as scary as I had built her up to be in my mind.

But honest to god meeting his mother - I had been shitting myself.

We pulled up in front of a nice 2-storey house in a nice street; it was nothing flashy, just a nice comfortable family home.

My knees were knocking, Ric held my hand a lead me through the house calling out to his mother. We found her in the garden.

Right. Not what I had expected. What had I expected? Well, a Cuban version of my mother.

Mary Manoso was knee deep in potting mix, hot pink high top converse sneakers, jeans that she had cut off just below her knees and a save the whales green peace t-shirt. She also wasn't Cuban.

Turns out Ric's, dad Carlos was Cuban, but his mom was as American as apple pie. They had met in Florida; Mary had just finished her teaching degree and moved to Miami. She met Carlos her first day, she was teaching English and he was taking a course in the classroom next door. It was love at first sight. And the rest as they say is history.

What had I been so scared of? I have no idea. We spent a fantastic weekend with Ric's mother and grandmother - yep, his grandmother, on his father's side actually, she lives there too.

I know I panicked myself for nothing. What was I really expecting?

With a smile on my face I remembered my birthday.

This year my birthday fell on a Friday, it also happened to be the Friday the week before the biggest wedding of the year. I was feeling old and grumpy. I have always loved my birthday - presents, cake – what's not to love? Besides the getting older part anyway. But this year I felt … and I know I sound like a whiney spoilt teenager when I say this, but I felt like everyone had forgotten, all wrapped up in wedding preparations. Just like Molly Ringwold in sixteen candles.

Well, everyone except Ric and the boys. Ranger had been dropping little hints about a birthday surprise for about a week now.

And boy what a surprise it was.

We slept late, we had had a takedown the night before that ended up being more complicated than anyone could have predicted. The skip and the skips girlfriend had helped us out; they had brought out the handcuffs and done half of our job for us. They were so pretzeled together that we had to find a blowtorch to cut them apart before we could take them in. Anyhow it was a late night and we had both fallen into bed exhausted. Ric woke me with a kiss to each eyelid, but it was the aroma of chocolate that prompted me to actually open my eyes. Ahh he was so sweet, a boston crème with a candle was being waved in front of me by a very sexy, very naked man." Happy Birthday babe" Oh yeah I don't know what I was being so pissy about. This was turning out to be a very good birthday.

Later after I had devoured my birthday donut, and he had devoured me, we were pretzeled together, not that dissimilar to the couple last night when he asked me when I was going to open my presents

"I thought I already had'

" There's more " he chuckled, a bit of male pride creeping in. he nodded his head to the floor beside the bed, where I saw a pile of presents. I had been so well distracted I hadn't noticed before.

I tore into the wrapping paper like a kid at Christmas.

But the birthday surprises didn't end there.

Ric was tied up with meetings all morning, but he was staking me into New York for dinner that night. I spent the day with Mary Lou at the mall shopping for a new dress.

I was ready and waiting, gorgeous new black dress and all, when Ric came home. After a hello kiss that had me needing to put my gorgeous new black dress _back on_ we were on our way.

In the car I was I got that nervous excited feeling, which I put down to the fact that the man of mystery wouldn't give me any details, just told me to sit back and relax.

I drifted into my own car zone, and berated myself for behaving like a child. My sister was getting married tomorrow my family was very busy with last minute preparations and other wedding stuff, so we didn't have time for the traditional family dinner. I could deal. I had spent the day with my best friend, and the man I love was taking me out. What more could a girl ask for?

McDonalds!

'Why are stopping here, I thought that you were taking me into the city?' not that I usually have a problem with McDonalds – I don't it actually one of my required food groups.

'Oh I am, I just thought you might like to grab something here first.'

'Oh okay' he knew me so well

I was a little distracted by the fact that ranger was nibbling on my ear when we walked through the parking lot and in the door otherwise I may have noticed all the cars parked in lot, and all the faces of the people sitting at the tables.

They sure as hell got my attention when they all yelled 'Surprise!'

I'm not too proud to admit that there were tears –

I turned to Ranger " you did this?'

'Uh huh'

'All of this?'

'Happy birthday Babe'

Normally you can hire the room out back for kids parties, but Ranger not being normal had hired the whole restaurant and invited everyone I knew; Mary Lou Lenny and the boys, Lula, Connie, my parents and grandma, all of rangeman, Eddie, Carl, bigdog, Joe Janek, Dougie and Mooner, Sally – looking more and more like Klinger from mash, friends from college and high school, Vinnie even brought his wife

It was one of the best nights of my life

So what's the problem?

Why am I hiding out in an empty church where my sister is about to get married in less than an hour now?

If you think its because I resent my sister, or still harbour feelings for my future brother in law, you couldn't be further from the truth.

I am deliriously happy that Valerie found someone that loves her a will treat her and her girls right. As for Joe Morelli, turns out we are better as friends than we ever were as lovers, and it looks like he is going to make a very good brother in law.

If you think it's because I'm not happy with my life, I'd call the men with in the white coats and the giant butterfly net to come and take you away. Because never have I been as happy and fulfilled. I am madly in love with an exceptional man, my job is exciting and rewarding, I have wonderful friends and family, my wardrobe is full to exploding and I am in better shape now than I ever have been.

So what's the problem?

Two days ago Ric held my hand as I peed on three different sticks. One turned blue one turned pink and one went a funky purple colour. And now we are waiting on the blood test results. My doctor is supposed to call today.


	29. chapter 28 the end

_Ok, this is it. The last chapter! 24,000 words, numerous computer problems and a few cases of major writers block and it's done._

_Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. _

CHAPTER 28

The who's who of the burg, the 'A' list gossips, the crème de la

crème of the grapevine crammed themselves into the pews of the church beside the curious onlookers eager for a good show; the pleased, but quietly cautious family members and the friends who still couldn't believe this was happening.

The church was full. Between the invited guests and the curious it seemed that everyone in the Burg had turned out to see my sister marry Joseph Morelli. Whether it was to witness the elusive and legendary bad boy bachelor tie the knot, or the beautiful bride, who no one expected to re-marry after the scandalous end of her first marriage, let alone marry a Morelli. Or maybe it was the inevitable entertainment value that any combined Plum/Morelli occasion was assured to provide.

Whatever the reason, this day was already destined for the pages of burg history - the day that Valerie Plum married Joe Morelli.

The wedding ceremony was beautiful and more importantly went off without a hitch. The bride wore cream (totally acceptable for second marriages – especially if the first husband was an ass) the groom wore a tux. They exchanged traditional vows. The mother and grandmother of both the bride and groom cried. I think the Morelli women were crying because they were thankful that Joe had found himself a woman who was willing, and more importantly able to cook. Hell, I even think that they were happy that she came with a ready-made family, because they had already started to drop less than subtle hints about babies.

Now all we had to get through was the reception.

Ever see the wedding singer? Well that pretty much explains it. The reception hall was virtually identical. Even the fashion was similar, even though the film was set in the 80's - it's New Jersey what do you expect.

The kitchen ran out of food and we had to call Pino's for Pizza and the cops all drank too much.

Ranger and I where enjoying a slow dance to " Endless love" Valerie's favourite song, when my cell phone rang. It was what I had with equal parts been dreading and anticipating all day. Ric kept us moving as I answered. It was a short conversation. My end consisting of only " hello, yes and thankyou" When I hang up Ric pulled me closer 'so what did the doctor say?' is what he said to me without actually saying it – I had been working on my ESP.

'Negative'

If at all possible he held my tighter and danced toward the far side of the room.

'awwh Babe' he rubbed my back comfortingly

'Its what I wanted. But still…'

'I know'

And right then in the middle of one of the most important moments of my life a food fight broke out.

Flying pizza crusts, chicken wings and bread sticks

'Ric?' the food was flying, yet we still danced.

'Yeah Babe?'

'You know how this time it wasn't so much as planned as a surprise?

'Uh huh'

'And how it turned out to be a false alarm

Wolf grin

'I was thinking, that maybe, if you wanted, that maybe next time

'Next time' the wolf grin was growing

'Yeah, next time maybe it wont be so much of a surprise'

My only response was the full 1000-watt super smile before he kissed me… and I was hit in the back of the head with a meatball.

The music got turned up and the food fight escalated.

I caught a glimpse of Grandma Mazar using her fork as a rocket launcher and Carl was in the process of mashing a handful of already mashed potato into Bigdog's hair, Joe's mother was running in circles her arms waving above her head screeching and dripping peperoni pieces. My mother on the other hand was propping up the bar and well passed drunk, I could read her lips even from this distance, she was repeating " why me, oh god why me?" Even Dad was in on it; he had a pizza box and was using it as a Frisbee. I couldn't see Lula, but that probably meant she was doing something completely crazy.

I scanned the room as Ric twirled me. There were drunk cops using their training to plan attacks on a bunch of kids, mostly Joe's nieces and nephews, hell I even spotted Mary Lou's two terrors - those cops better watch out. I think I even saw Angie politely toss a breadstick. Mary Alice on the other hand was elbow deep in the mush on the floor. The happily married couple where at a safe distance, sitting at the bridal table. I thought that Valerie would be having a fit – her perfect day ruined – but I was wrong – she was in hysterics, her and her new husband were both doubled over in howling laughter. And I could only watch on in horror as grandma pegged a meatball at the priest. It was okay because he returned fire, and hit smack in the middle of her face.

Ric twirled me again, we were still in the middle of the dance floor – still dancing, only now goo covered. But hey I was used to it.

'Babe if we ever decide to do this, I'm hiring out the McDonalds again.'

'And why would that be?' I returned as yet another meatball landed in my hair.

Ranger, still in his spotless designer black suit raised one eyebrow and plucked the meatball from my hair

'Because'

I wrapped one arm around his neck and pulled myself in against him, making sure to have full body contact from chest to hip

'Because why?' I asked innocently

'Because everyone we know are complete animals' and at that moment the love of my life, smeared my face with whipped cream.

The sneaky bastard where had that come from.

He threw his head back and laughed.

Oh he was going down!

I hadn't done all that training for nothing.

While he was busy laughing at me, I wrapped my leg around his, low under the knee and did this twisty thing that tank had shown me. And hey presto Ranger was on his back, lying in a puddle of squish.

Only thing he was still laughing.

And seconds later I joined him on the floor, well not quite. I landed on top of him.

And he was still laughing.

Here he was lying in a puddle of indistinguishable food products in a designer suit that cost more than most people in the rooms cars, at Burg wedding reception minutes after finding out his girlfriend wasn't pregnant, but wouldn't mind being so one day. A food fight of epic proportions raging above his head. He was a day away from closing a major property settlement. His Hippie mother would be coming to stay later in the week. And yesterday he had returned a big time homicidal maniac to the legal system.

He may not be a complete mystery to me any more. But he is still an enigma.

And he was still freakin' laughing

_God I love this guy._


End file.
